Still Running…

February 28, 2022February 25, 2022 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

Well, five weeks in and I’m still motivated and in the mindset to get fitter, eat healthier and tone up. I’m impressed with myself, I wasn’t sure when I started this journey that I wouldn’t have slipped up by now. But I’m still going strong. That Summer trip to Ibiza is still the carrot dangling in front of me and wanting to fit back into my Summer clothes, back into my jeans and also get some confidence back to push myself out of the comfort zone I have settled back into and get myself out there singing. 2022 is the year of making it happen, that’s what I said at the start of the year and I’m still aiming to do this.

My energy has increased so much already it’s untrue. I alternate my workouts from a walk around the block, Couch 25K (C25K) and if the weather is really bad outside, I do a home workout with Lucy Wyndham Read https://www.youtube.com/user/LWRFitnessChannel/featured Sometimes it is a real chore to push myself outside, especially in this very cold wintery weather but I always feel so much better once I return home. I have also kept to my dry February, no Prosecco and strangely I haven’t missed my Friday night tipple at all.

Wednesday afternoon has become batch cooking afternoon whilst I listen to podcasts. It has taken some weeks but I have really got into this routine of cooking from scratch using fresh vegetables, herbs and spices. I don’t really make a plan of what I’m going to cook, I just go with whatever I have in and as I love pasta, I usually make some kind of pasta bake. A recipe I found on Instagram and has become a weekly staple for me is for banana, oat and peanut butter bakes. I find with these that I can have one with a cuppa mid afternoon and I’m not looking for snacks and treats to fill me up.

Very easy to make; 3 bananas mashed up, add 40g of peanut butter and mix well, then add 100g of porridge oats and again mix well. Place in a baking tin and bake for 30 minutes on Gas mark 4, Electric 180 c. I find cutting into squares when just out of the oven is easiest. Leave to cool and then place in an airtight container. They stay fresh for about four days. I have adapted the recipe a little over the weeks, I have added cinnamon and also some chocolate sprinkles to the top. Himself doesn’t like them as they aren’t sweet enough but for a semi healthy bite they serve their purpose.

As I write this post, I’m midway through week four of C25K and at times puffing my way around. When there is a lot of traffic or people around I just remind myself of the quote about lapping everyone on the couch or I visualise myself running on the promenade by the ocean in the warm sunshine. That gives me a real boost to keep going. I have my daily cappuccino and have managed to stay away from chocolate, cakes and biscuits. The season of Lent starts this week on March 2nd and I would have given those particular items up anyway so I’ll just continue without them for now. It would be totally unrealistic for me to say that I will never eat cake or chocolate again, of course I will, I love chocolate. And as for never drinking Prosecco again? Never going to happen! For now my focus is on getting fitter and healthier, powering my body to do what I want to do.

I feel this health and fitness boost is another part of me emerging from loss, emerging into the new me and embracing that I need to have a certain level of fitness to carry out and enjoy the career in music that I have chosen to follow. I’m also mindful that I am getting older and that we don’t know how long we have here on earth. I want to do what I can to keep myself healthy, fit and able to live life to the fullest for as long as I can. Starting new careers, new fitness regimes and discovering who you are isn’t just for younger people, it’s for all people and it’s never too late to start. If I can do it then so can you. I truly believe if you really want to do something, you’ll do it. Just start, baby steps if you want to, that first step is sometimes the hardest but so worth it. Don’t give up.

With love and sparkles xxx

Life Sparkles

Here I go again…

January 31, 2022January 28, 2022 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

As usual I’m on my get healthier for the new year, I’m as regular as clockwork on this one. This year however is the first time I have weighed in at two stone over what was my usual weight, TWO STONE!!! 28 LBS!!! I’ve gone way beyond my clothes being a little tight, they just don’t fit at all. Something else I have noticed is that I feel sluggish in myself and running upstairs gets me out of breath. Dancing in the kitchen also puffs me out. Now I’m well aware that as we get older we are not going to be as fit as we were in our twenties, thirties or even forties but there is no reason that we cannot be as fit and healthy as we can be as we are right now, irrespective of age.

I have a few incentives for getting healthier, fitter and a tad trimmer. Healthier so that I have more energy to do the things I want to do, to not feel sluggish and to hopefully live a longer and healthier life. I’m hopefully going to Ibiza in June this year. I say hopefully as this holiday was booked for 2020, postponed to 2021 and postponed again to 2022 so fingers crossed it’s third time lucky. I want to be fitting into my summer clothes for the holiday so June is a huge incentive for me to trim down. I am happy to embrace the curves and be body positive. I also acknowledge that carrying this additional weight is not good for my health and it has affected my confidence. Purely because I am not 100% happy with myself and I know this will prevent me from having the confidence to push the comfort zone and get up on a stage a sing. For me to step on a stage to sing will take a lot of self belief and bravery and I just won’t have that if I don’t feel happy in myself or my clothes.

Lockdown’s, restrictions, celebrations and really any excuse for eating the goodies and drinking prosecco was what I did over the past two years so no wonder I gained the weight. Experiencing burnout last summer meant that I stopped exercising because I just didn’t have the energy to do it, another reason for the weight gain. I got lazy about cooking for myself and relied on pre packed meals and no matter how healthy they appear to be, it’s just not the same as home cooked food. I was out for meals, cocktails, pizza nights, fish and chips and of course Christmas and New Year goodies as we really didn’t have Christmas celebrations in 2020. I’m not making excuses here, I’m holding myself accountable. I enjoyed it all, every single mouthful and I have no regrets. Now is the time though to take control. I have plans, things I want to do and I want to be the best I can be to do them.

With love and sparkles xxx

Life Sparkles

January

January 2, 2022December 31, 2021 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.4 Comments

Some people find January and the start of the year very flat and depressing. After all the hustle and bustle of the Christmas and New Year season, the glitz and the glamour, the excitement and the sparkle, I suppose January can feel quite uninspiring. Winter weather, darker nights and mornings, a long time to wait for payday, January can be a long, dark month.

I don’t know why and taking the above into consideration, I have always loved January. The evenings are starting to get brighter with the promise of Spring on the way. I love it especially if we get those cold, clear, frosty days, it’s almost like a cleansing of the new year ready for the activities ahead to take place.

I suppose I am ever the optimist. Always trying to see the positives, look for the bright side of situations, seeing the sparkle however dim it may be in some situations. I must be a pain in the ass to those who see January as a dark place. I hope though that by reaching out to those who are struggling, listening to their story and giving a loving word, we can let a little of the brightness of the new year through and help them to see a path forwards.

January you are awesome, the gateway to a new year, fresh and brighter days ahead.

With love and sparkles xxx

Life Sparkles

New Year 2022

January 1, 2022December 31, 2021 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

Here we are another new year beckons. Has 2021 gone by in a flash for you? Did you set resolutions last year and did you keep to them? Did you set goals or make plans and did you carry them out or was it a case that as the year progressed you had ideas and acted on them? Sometimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, especially at new year, to make plans, set goals and follow dreams whether they be diet and fitness (which yes, I’ll be on that one yet again) or career changes, life changes…the list goes on.

I was watching a video recently about not setting resolutions but choosing a word to live by for the year ahead. The man in the video had chosen the word ‘Growth’ as his word for 2021 and tried to ensure that the actions he took throughout the year led to growth within his life in someway. I thought this was a good idea, rather than setting resolutions that I wouldn’t keep to, I would choose a word for 2022. However, I can settle on one word for the year ahead, I have too many in my mind and cannot decide on just one.

I am proud of myself for pushing ahead and recording the four songs I have written. I feel this year has been a year of preparation and hard work ready for next year and launching the music career properly. I know I have a lot of hard work ahead in order to make things happen, I’m ready. I feel there is good energy around for 2022, I think that it is really going to sparkle for everyone. As you get older you appreciate each day and take less for granted. In 2022 I want to celebrate each day, whether I’m working, relaxing, planning or singing. Each day is a new day to live and focus on our health, wellbeing, inner peace and happiness. We really do need to share our inner sparkle.

Wishing you all the most wonderfully Happy New Year, I hope 2022 brings you all you could wish for.

With love and sparkles xxx

Life Sparkles

Christmas Season

December 30, 2021December 29, 2021 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

I hope you have all enjoyed a wonderful Christmas season. I love the sparkle of the season, honestly it is my time with all the lights, glitter and sheer magic of this season. Thankfully it has been a little better for us this year than last although it would appear we still have a way to go in our battle with the pandemic.

I put my Christmas tree up this year towards the end of November, during the first weekend of Advent. I felt nothing, no joy, no sadness, nothing, just numb. The previous two years I have put the tree up and it made me feel very sad, tears were shed, I missed my parents and the memories of our Christmas traditions with the putting up of the tree. It was always Mom and I who decorated the tree after Dad had assembled it. Once it was done, there would be tea, or sherry and the obligatory mince pies. We would wait for darkness to fall so that we could turn on the Christmas Tree lights and just stare in wonder at the beauty. But this year, I felt nothing. Perhaps this is a further sign of moving forwards with life? Perhaps I have lost the magic of Christmas within my heart this year? Perhaps a number of things, I don’t have the answer, it’s just how I felt on the day. I have shed tears since and no doubt I will in the future especially at such an emotional time as Christmas. Grief I am learning just hits as and when it wants, without warning and you just have to roll with it.

I do know that those that have gone before us don’t want us to be sad and unhappy. I’m sure that my parents and my sister would want new traditions to be formed, happy times shared with the friends and family we love and that we raise a glass, or a cup of tea to them in memory of Christmases past. We are here now, we are given the gift of life with each other each day and we mustn’t waste it. We need to celebrate each day with each other, support each other and share the joys and sadness that life brings to us all. Isn’t that what the message of Christmas is all about? Love.

With love and sparkles xxx

Life Sparkles

It’s been a while!

November 29, 2021November 23, 2021 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

It must be 2014 since I last visited the Birmingham Frankfurt Christmas Market. With no longer working in the city centre and being a full time carer for my parents, going out and about just didn’t happen. The market was cancelled last year due to Covid 19 and the various lockdown restrictions. Earlier in the month himself was able to take a break from his role as carer for his Mom and we went out and about. It felt like normal life and that in itself felt strange.

I haven’t been to the city centre since June 2019 and it has changed a lot since then. There is a lot of construction taking place, some of which is in preparation of the Commonwealth Games taking place next year. The Christmas market is smaller than usual this year because of construction and also in order to limit numbers to try to prevent spread of Covid infection.

The garlic bread with cheese was always my favourite lunch at the Christmas market.

The garlic bread with cheese was huge, double the size that I remember from past years. Delicious! The Gulwein with amaretto shot tasted so good. Himself had his hot chocolate. The city was quiet, very quiet for a lunch time. Perhaps a lot of people are working remotely and also with our infection rates currently so high, people may be hesitant to venture into the city. We both felt a lack of atmosphere. Unusually warm for November it didn’t have that cold Winter feel. It was lunchtime so we didn’t experience the magic of the sparkling lights at night. However, we both felt that the reason for our lack of atmosphere wasn’t the market or the weather, it was because life has changed so drastically for us both since the last time we were there together. We enjoyed our trip out, it was lovely to spend some quality time together, to be out and about in our city but the magic of yesteryear was missing.

It was a lovely day out into the city. We talked about how the city was evolving and how our parents used to talk to us about what the city was like when they first moved here and the changes they had seen. It’s amazing the changes that have taken place in our lifetime and how something’s have actually reverted back to what was in place when our parents were younger. In Birmingham there are now trams and more tramlines being fitted in order to connect various city centre main areas. I remember my Dad laughing when I told him a few years ago about trams coming to the city and he told me that there were trams running through the city when he first arrived here and he seen the lines being taken up and main roads being laid in their place. So our cities evolve, change and yet history repeats itself in a modern form.

I was delighted to see the Nativity scene in a more prominent place. There were a few years, back when I worked in the city, that the nativity appeared to be pushed to the outside of the market area where not many people would pass by. That made me sad, after all it is Christ that is the reason for Christmas and whatever our beliefs, and for a multicultural, vibrant in differences city such as Birmingham, I don’t believe such an important aspect of Christmas should be pushed to the back of a bustling Christmas festival area. We should not be ashamed of our nativity scenes. Embracing each others cultures, backgrounds and festivals will only make us more connected and accepting of each other. And really that’s what it’s all about.

With love and sparkles xxx

Life Sparkles

Energy

September 13, 2021September 3, 2021 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

My mental energy appears to be through the roof at the moment. It must be all the rest and sleep I have been getting. I have thoughts and ideas coming to me about my music, my blog, my website, the garden, you get the drift. It’s all very positive and I’m loving the flow of ideas. I’m writing things down in my many notes books (you’ll remember I wrote a post on my obsession with notebooks and lists). Messages I receive from people about my music page, or a motivational quote I have posted, increase the sparkle. I’ve been told that the motivational posts are infectious and give people a real lift in the mornings. I’m so happy about this, somehow if I have helped someone have a good start to the day, it feels great. I love motivational posts. I do have a fairly sarcastic humour at times so I’m always careful about what I post. I don’t want to upset anyone yet you have to be free to be yourself. Isn’t that what social media is about? Freedom of expression. I will post very different things on FB, Twitter and Instagram. They have very different audiences indeed. I get a lot more interaction on Instagram than anywhere else. I’ve even started learning how to use TikTok. It appears to be the place to be for singers and musicians. It’s all good, my brain is active and learning and I keep getting ideas, ideas and more ideas.

After the success of the three FB lives earlier this year, I appear to have lost my momentum and I have become a queen of procrastination. So I have all this mental energy, all these ideas and I make notes, research, investigate and yet I’m not making things happen. The confidence has taken a knock and I have no idea why. The burnout tiredness hasn’t helped in one way and yet in another, the peace, quietness and reflection has me now full of this wonderful energy. So why I am not putting things into action? I can’t answer that. I don’t know why I have this fear of putting myself out there again and singing out. There is nothing to stop me, I have the equipment, I have the backing tracks and song lyrics and I have a voice yet I’m finding excuses not to do it. I’m encouraging others to step out of their comfort zone, take the leap of faith and make it happen and here I am finding myself back on the edges of my comfort zone, not making it happen.

My physical tiredness is at last starting to ease so I have absolutely no excuse for not getting things done with my music. I have my new laptop now and I can recommence the Women In Music Tech course and learn how to use Ableton so that I can eventually record, mix and release my own music. I’m working with my guitar tutor on four songs I have written with a view to recording them in October. I have songs already recorded that I can release when I sort out the music aggregation so you see, I have it all in hand. Yes, in hand but not out there. I need to take a huge piece of my own advice and just go with it.

Yes I need to get out of my way and make things happen, it’s down to me and I can do this!!!

With love and sparkles xxx

Life Sparkles

Stepping Back

September 6, 2021September 3, 2021 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

Well, it has been a total revelation to me, the amount of time I was spending messaging people, catching up with people, checking in with people, doorstep visits to people…you get the drift. I was spending a lot of time making sure other people were ok, how they were coping with various issues in their lives, did they need anything collected, the list goes on. I am a people person, I am happy to chat away, get to know people and help people if I can. The various lockdowns and restrictions have caused a lot of anxiety for people. We have all kept in touch virtually, thank God for the internet!! But until I was told by the Dr to take a step back from everything and look after myself, I had no idea exactly how much time everyday I was spending looking out for others and putting myself last.

At first I felt very guilty stepping back but I was so tired out, it was all I could do to get up, shower and start my day. For someone usually so full of energy and on the go this was a tremendous change to the daily routine. I realised quickly that I didn’t need to check up on people daily, or even every other day, or even weekly. They were getting on very nicely without my input. Almost all of them have family members or other friends around them to call on. I have to be honest, some didn’t even notice I hadn’t been in touch. I had taken it upon myself to be there for friends, neighbours, friends of my parents and acquaintances and was happy to be there when needed. In the process I had worn myself out. Releasing myself from some contacts was difficult as I had become someone to let out all their woes to and no matter how hard I tried to turn a negative into a positive, they would turn it into a more negative conversation. I found this particularly draining but I did put myself first and step back from the situation. By trying to help some people, you actually end up adding to their issues as they keep talking about it and then you end up feeling awful too. It’s a fine balance I think between being there for someone and knowing when to step back so you are not drawn into their story. Lessons have been learned.

I also realised that some contacts weren’t happy with the reduction in contact not because they had anything wrong with them or needed help but because they no longer had access to me or what I was doing. Another revelation! People are nosey, who knew!!! I’ve always been a bit of an open book. My Dad often said to me that I didn’t need to tell certain people everything and not all those who pretend to be friends actually are friends. How right he was. I’ve always known this of course yet by stepping back to look after myself I was surprised that some contacts just wanted news. Honestly, I really don’t have that exciting a life…but I’m working on it!

The huge positives of the stepping back is that I found I had lots of time to do me things. I caught up with housework which I know can be mundane but I actually enjoy it. Finding Mrs Hinch has been amazing for cleaning hacks. I caught up with outstanding administration which had been sat there awaiting action. I sat back and strummed my guitar and wrote some songs. I researched and ordered my new laptop for my music course so that I can download and learn how to use Ableton (Digital Audio Software) go me!! I got out in the garden when the weather allowed and pottered about out there. I was careful not to overload myself with a heavy ‘To Do’ list. If I was tired, I slept. I am so happy to report that apart from still being physically tired, mentally the stress, overwhelm and constant feeling of needing to do something, has gone. I feel so at peace, relaxed and open again. I have fully understood now how important it is to look after yourself especially as we get older. All the time I was spending on other things and other people was preventing me from doing what I wanted to do, because I just didn’t have time. This epiphany has been very welcome indeed. Life has changed so much in the past two years for me and yet it is only now that I am emerging and seeing my life as my life. It’s time for me to do what I want to do. I can still be there for people, help people and support people, I just need to remember to put my boundaries in place and look after me first. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from a empty cup.

With love and sparkles xxx

Life Sparkles

Birthdays

August 16, 2021August 5, 2021 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.6 Comments

A beautiful hot, sunny month of July, well mostly hot and sunny, and it was my birthday month and it feels like I celebrated my birthday for most of the month. Perhaps we have all gone a little celebration crazy after all the lockdown birthday’s of the past year or so. I have to say I am so lucky and so blessed that I have such lovely people around me who wanted to meet up, celebrate, talk, laugh, cry and generally re-connect. I have kept my social circle quite small especially as I am supporting himself with his Mom. I don’t want to take any risks with her health. I have my stock of lateral flow tests and anytime I see anyone, I take a test a few days later to protect anyone I may see as well as myself. So far so good, all negative.

Because of my extreme tiredness, all social dates were very well spaced out which is probably why I feel I was celebrating all month long. There was birthday cakes, prosecco, pizza, barbecue’s, prosecco, beautiful cards and gifts, more prosecco…you get the picture. It was just wonderful, all of it, absolutely wonderful and I loved every second and felt very loved by everyone involved in giving me such a fabulous birthday. I am so grateful and blessed, the sparkle was in full sparkle mode.

These are just a few photo’s of my celebrations on various days. The birthday, in the pink manicure, the beautiful blue skies and sunset. Unfortunately I don’t have a photo of my five cousins who spoiled me so much as they aren’t on social media at all so I haven’t posted my snaps with them. I probably do enough social media for all of them!

Needless to say, additional weight was gained during this glorious month of celebration and I enjoyed every single mouthful. My clothes are bursting at the seams post lockdown and birthday so time to get my act together regarding goodies and exercise and let’s get this sparkle show back on the road again.

With love and sparkles xxx

Life Sparkles

Burnout

August 9, 2021August 5, 2021 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.2 Comments

The weekend after our quick trip to Broad Haven I was tired. This was no normal tiredness, it was completely debilitating tiredness. Having a shower meant sitting down afterwards for at least twenty minutes to get some energy back. This was unknown tiredness for me. Only five days earlier I had been uphill and down dale on a very long coastal walk. Weeks earlier I was out every other day for a thirty minute run. Now a shower was wearing me out? This tiredness continued into the following week along with irritation with music. MUSIC!!!! Music was irritating me!!! I had little or no interest in anything, I didn’t even go online – a sure sign I wasn’t right if I hadn’t made a trip to Instagram! I was that tired I couldn’t travel to himself to support him in looking after his Mom. This was tiredness on a whole other level.

The world kept turning and I got off for a while.

After a week I spoke with the lovely Doctor who had looked after my parents, he knew me well and it meant I didn’t have to tell my history as he already knew it. He arranged for a whole raft of blood tests as it has been quite some years since I had been to see a Dr. I explained that my Vitiligo appeared to have increased significantly. I had been told I was very pale when in fact it was the Vitiligo spreading on my face. All blood tests were fine which is great. So what was causing this tiredness? The Dr felt burnout was to blame. The double trauma of losing both parents so close together and having to re-start life, to then have lockdown’s and to commence caring for someone else would, he felt, take it’s toll mentally and physically. Alongside this I am trying to get my music career going, support a number of other people with various issues they are suffering, doorstep visits to people who needed support, plus the day to day house and garden maintenance and trying to keep up with phone calls, emails and messages. I was overwhelmed with everything, I was getting nothing done for myself and my body had spoken. Enough was enough.

So, the plan of action is to slow right down and concentrate on priorities. As the Dr said, real life happens and we have to keep going up to a point. I put himself, his Mom and me and my work as the priorities and everything else can wait. I have slowed right down on everything else. We find it so hard to say no don’t we? As things are opening up I had more and more people asking for lunch dates, coffee dates, call in for a drink. I’m very lucky to be blessed with so many people who want to see me but I’m not ready to return to what used to be. The last eighteen months has been a revaluation of life, not just for me I know, it has affected all of us. I have rarely put myself first and maybe it is time I did. I found that I was spending so much time on other things I wasn’t getting the things done that I really needed to and that was overwhelming me. This has been hard for me as I am always so full of energy and on the go. I haven’t experienced debilitating tiredness like this since 2019 and the loss of my parents. The difference this time is that I go to bed and sleep almost immediately and straight through until morning and wake up shattered.

Taking time out for me has been a revelation. I caught up on outstanding admin and emails – oh what a feeling! I started to do a few tasks within the house and garden and that felt good, as you know I love getting out in the garden. It was my birthday in July and I had some lovely celebrations with my cousins and close friends (post to follow). I have listened to podcasts, read my book, had a manicure, made some headway in my songwriting and planning my business. I feel in control of me again and that feels so good. I am no longer overwhelmed and I am learning to put me first for a change. Himself said to me recently that it’s my time and I have to use it for what I want to do and not what anyone else wants or expects me to do. That resonated with me. I spent so many years not thinking of me at all, or doing anything that I wanted to do because I was a full time carer, I’m just not used to putting me first. I have no regrets at being a carer, I am at peace that I did everything I could. Now is my time. I don’t know how much time I have so perhaps I will be kinder to myself from now on.

Taking things slower is helping. I’m still tired but nothing like I was a month ago. There are things I can do to help my body repair. Healthy diet, build up my exercise again, listen to my body and not push myself, rest when I need to. I’m thinking of documenting my journey back to full energy as it may help somebody going through a similar thing. I know from various messages I received that my blog posts as a carer helped. It helps me to write it down too and in a way, as I have lockdown weight and more to get rid of, makes me accountable too. Life can be tough and we are very hard on ourselves. We can’t fix everyone, we can’t support everyone, we can’t be there for everyone but we must be there for ourself. We can’t help anyone unless we are replenishing our own soul.