Last year I really pushed the comfort zone and did three Facebook live performances, two for thirty minutes and the final one for an hour. I was nervous, scared, excited, thrilled and I thoroughly enjoyed each one. I had between twenty and thirty people watching the lives and afterwards the saved videos had hundreds of views and such wonderful, encouraging comments. During the lockdowns of 2020 and 2021 I regularly did a ‘Happy Monday’ chat on Instagram. I didn’t chat about anything in particular. A little like my blog, I would just chat away about whatever came to mind. Again, I would receive numerous messages telling me how I brightened up a day, or I made someone laugh or just that they enjoyed the chat as if I was just chatting away to them. All good, I was delighted and then it all stopped and I have no idea why. Was it because life started to open up again and there was less time spent at home? Why did I no longer have five minutes to chat, ten minutes to record myself singing a song and post it online? Or did I just stop believing in my ability to do these things?
I admit that the weight I gained over the last six months of last year did not help me with getting out there singing. I’m not a super confident person but I can blag it and appear confident and then I get into my stride and I’m ok. However I appear to have lost the ability to even blag it. As you may have read from previous posts I have taken my diet and fitness in hand and I’m getting there. I have so many plans in my head for the things I want to do yet I always find an excuse not to do them. My hair isn’t done or I’m not wearing make up so I won’t sing into the phone. That didn’t stop me in 2020, I just did it. I have my self penned songs recorded and I have chosen one to release as a single. I want to get some professional photos done for the single artwork and just to put out there to promote my music. I have researched photographers, video makers, music aggregators and music licencing and yet I have done nothing about these things. I’m wondering what I am afraid of? I know this isn’t any easy profession and I know I have to work hard and I’m not afraid of that. I love singing and from the feedback I get, people love me to sing. I can visualise myself up there, on a stage singing my heart out and being so happy doing it, yet I’m scared to actually do it. Is it a case that I am more comfortable with the dream than actually making it happen? The thought of actually taking the steps to make this dream come true fills me with delight, excitement and sheer sparkle and yet that little voice of fear saying ‘what makes you think people want to see/hear/listen to you’ is getting more attention in my brain than the positive thoughts.
I really do want to sing it out with my whole heart and soul, I want my moment in the spotlight, I want to see and hear people singing and dancing along with me. I want to share my music, I want to give people happiness, a giggle and to make them feel good. So, I suppose I really do need to get out of my own way and make things happen. Ok world, get ready, I’m coming…
With love and sparkles xxx
Dawn. The Sparkle Diaries. 
We are always our best worst enemies my friend. The world is waiting you know x
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You’re so right, on both counts. I’m not sure what happened to me but I’m trying hard now to get back out there and push the boundaries, I know I can do this. I need to tell the negative committee in my head to be quiet 🤫 xxx
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Of course you can. And while self doubt is no friend , better to have that too than none. There’s people out there who you think would be better just staying at home if you get me. Hand in hand with people who are talented and creative goes the need to show yourself with the need not to. Also, this has been a hard time for people. AND you had your hard time before it too so be kind to yourself.
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I totally get you about some people. Then you get the ones who aren’t so talented but just happy to perform and I love to watch them and the sheer joy they get out of what they are doing. I know I’ll be ok once I get out there. Perhaps I’m putting too much pressure on myself. Thank you for your kind and supportive words as always. I really appreciate them and you 🥰 xxx
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Performing is a hard sell to the self sometimes. But when you are there…. Well. Sometimes you just need the audience.
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I’m working on the whole ‘if I can dream it I can do it’ principle. I can visualise myself up there doing it and enjoying doing it. I’ll keep pushing myself, no looking back xxx
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Never let yourself get in the way actually. (Look see about 5 years back when i took on a theatre thing again at like 8 weeks notice, after prob 20 years of not.. I ultimately was gobsmacked at how much I got from that And how much I enjoyed, not bossing people but shaping a scene with them. But you have no idea of the self doubt and the whole thing of that, If we don’t push we stand still actually. xxx)
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You’re so right. You felt the fear and did it anyway and you got so much out of that, for jumping in, pushing yourself. I bet you felt amazing afterwards at what you achieved. I definitely need to get out of my own way, stop procrastinating and jump in. Time to stop talking (as if I can do that 😂) and start doing xxx
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Of course you can. Abso. I did feel like old times actually when I had my mitts on everything, like sound checks and lighting and props checks and being out there and talking through a character or a bit. Yeah. I’d forgotten how much I love d all that.
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That sounds so very exciting. Will you do some more theatre work? I know I’ll be excited to go for it with the music, I’ll take those first steps again, go slowly, get things moving. Will set end of May as a date for releasing the first single. The plan is in place 🤞🎧🎶 xxxxx
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get the plan in place. What I am struggling with right now in terms of more work s all the mess re viability, numbers,as in seating etc and cast who may test positive so I dunno right now but you go for it xxxx
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Oh lord yes it’s a bit of a nightmare isn’t it with covid still so infectious. You would have a lot to think about and consider. I was at my first concert on Sunday since March 2020, it was wild, dancing in the aisles etc. I was worried about going te covid but so far my LFT’s are negative 🤞 Onwards and upwards, thank you as always for your support and push to just be me xxxxxxxx
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A beautiful photo dear Dawn and wonderful words shared.
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Thank you 🙏
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You are welcome, dear Dawn.
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I love the saying ‘get out of my own way’. Am learning how to do that too. I feel like the person that always gets in the way of my goals is myself. Nothing else. Anyway, wishing you all the best with your goals, like singing, and thanks for this post!
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It’s so true! We can have other’s telling us to go for it, we can do it, we have the ability etc and yet we procrastinate and don’t get around to doing the things we need to do to achieve our goals or dreams. We really do get in our own way. Thank you so much for your well wishes and for reading my post. Wishing you all the best in achieving your goals, you can do it!!
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