In the words of Spandau Ballet…

June 27, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.2 Comments

…”these are my salad days”, (that is what they sing in “Gold” isn’t it or have I been wrong all these years?). Anyway, I digress, as usual!

Last week we had a heatwave in the UK. Apparently five consecutive days where we reach 30 degrees celsius, eighty-six farenheit, is officially a heatwave. I loved it! Blue skies, sunshine, warmth and a rare chance to wear Summer clothes. Let’s face it, we don’t get brilliant Summers so any chance to enjoy the good weather and we’re out there.

This beautiful weather kick started me back to healthy eating. After my gall bladder removal operation I ate very little, eventually progressing to fresh soup, fruit and bran flakes. I lost a stone in weight and felt great, my clothes were not straining to fit anymore. Of course as I healed I fell back to bad habits, biscuits, chocolate and yes even cake. I admit I enjoyed it better when I was eating healthy and not having to worry about what I was eating, because it was all healthy. I just need to keep the momentum up now that the weather is back to rain between the showers and colder than average for the time of year. Here comes Summer 🏖☀️😎

You know it’s Summer when the Strawberries are sweet.

I think I’m addicted to falafel 🥙

Making good use of my Ninja again!

Yes, falafel again.

I’m also addicted to avocado 🥑 but limit my fix…not the cheapest – wait for the bargains.

Life Sparkles

Ramblings.

June 23, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

Once again it has been a while. Far too long in fact. It has been so busy but then when isn’t it busy?!! The amount of times I’ve sat down with the intention of updating my blog, of posting the latest thoughts, happenings and general day to day of life and yet for one reason or another it just doesn’t happen.

After my “Leap of Faith” blog post about giving up the day job to care full time for my parents, things took a decidedly, let’s say “unfriendly”, “unsympathetic” turn with my manager at work and I experienced a very stressful, pressured and upsetting three weeks during May. After a fight back from me, things during my notice period have settled back and my final working day is Friday 30th June.

I have mixed feelings about this. After all, it is the end of an era for me, the end of the “day job”, the end, for now, of my career as a “City Chick” in the corporate world. Yet there is something quite liberating about this change. I thought I would feel sadness at training someone to do my role and handover tasks and I haven’t at all, I’ve enjoyed doing it. Time to hand the baton on so to speak.

I’m enjoying looking after my parents, being “Mom”, although I’d much prefer not to be having to do this, this is where I am, I love them and I’m going to be as positive as I can about my new chapter in life with them and caring for them. Thankfully we are still at a stage where I can have a little me time to spend on my music, more studies, a little voluntary work from home and yes blogging, expect to see lots more blogging!

This particular post was supposed to be me, owning up that I had fallen back into awful unhealthy eating habits as I recovered post op and how with the hot weather this week I had redeemed myself…that one will have to wait for another day, soon…I promise, soon.

So I’ll say bye for now with a photo of my hanging basket which I am so proud of. Not known for my green finger prowess I cannot believe I managed to grow this from scratch. I might make a domestic goddess of myself yet!!

© @aurorasparkles 2017 🌟

Life Sparkles

Leap of faith!

May 3, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

Well it’s been a while since I had a chance to update my blog. I’ve always got lots of ideas of what to write about but recently time to do so has not been on my side.

However, in the last few weeks I’ve made a decision and it wasn’t an easy one to make. I’ve wrestled with this over and over in my mind for months and really I don’t know why it has taken me so long to get here because the signs and signals of the right thing to do have been almost slapping me in the face. It’s time to take a complete leap of faith and give up the day job.

Picture via Pinterest

I can’t continue to juggle the day job with caring for my parents as both take up all my time and my parents are more important than spreadsheets! Being off work recovering from my operation I seen that my parents need more care and attention than before. I want to give them that care and attention. My employers have been fantastically supportive of me allowing me to work flexibly. My job is demanding, filled with deadlines and tight turnarounds and I think it’s only fair they have someone doing the job who is there, in the office daily. Although I work from home most of the time these days and I get the job done, I can no longer fight the feeling that it’s time to let go, time to change, time to move on.

Picture via Pinterest

This isn’t a decision I’ve made lightly. I had a long chat with our Doctor who agreed that perhaps now, in my caring capacity, it was also time to do some things I enjoy and have freedom from the demands of the day job. My close friends have agreed and even himself who up to recently has been very much against this move, said he would support my decision, the time is right to change.

I spoke to my manager last week and gave her my decision and on a personal level she said she fully understood but she is very sorry to lose me. Later she contacted me asking me to consider job shares, logging in for two hours every day or one day a week working as a support to my replacement. I have considered the one day a week and although it sounds like a great idea, the more I think about it the more my gut feeling says no. It would still be a demand that one day a week and I need to be free of time restrictions as I have to go with the flow of demands at home.

I have three months notice to work, with accrued holiday I could be day job free by early July. I feel liberated, free, excited and scared all at once. I have no idea how this is going to pan out, I just know, somehow, that this is right.

Picture via Pinterest

Life Sparkles

Officially…

March 25, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.14 Comments

… I’m an unpaid carer. There, I’ve written it down so it must be true. I’ve been caring for both of my parents one way or another since September 2015. I work part-time, my employers have been incredibly supportive allowing me to work from home and the office. I study, soon to complete (I hope) my BSc (Hons) in Health and Social Care. I love to sing and have been going to see my fabulous vocal coach on as regular a basis as I can. I have a fantastic b/f who is also a carer for his Mother and I have wonderful friends who totally accept that I might make a coffee date with them and either have to break it or rush off home as I’ve received a telephone call.

It hasn’t been an easy transition for me. Although I moved home some years ago to “look after” my parents, I had a good life. Worked full time, out every weekend, had short breaks and holidays alongside the limited caring I actually needed to do back then. Now it is very different. My only night away from home in two years was when I was recently in hospital having an operation and my b/f stopped with my parents to ensure they were safe. (He has cover, I don’t). I see my b/f perhaps once in three weeks due to both our caring responsibilities and these days I feel blessed if we get an hour together in a coffee shop, it really is the little things that matter.

Life has changed, a lot. I have encountered many emotions on this caring journey. Fear, anger, jealousy, impatience and once or twice out of sheer tiredness and frustration I’ve shouted and then cried bitter tears for doing so. I have also experienced such love for my parents it is untrue. I’ve learnt to look after them but let them have the little bit of independence they still have and to do what they want to do…although I am so like a Mom to tell them off! We laugh, we pray, we sing songs together. I’ve become more relaxed and less tense, more patient, more tolerant and less stressed out. I feel absolutely blessed to be looking after them as difficult as it can be.

So this week I took the plunge and contacted the relevant department to be registered as the carer of my parents. I’ve put this off for so long and I don’t know why? Wishing it wasn’t true won’t change anything. Now that I’m registered it feels almost liberating that I’ve finally come to terms with life as it is right now. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, this post operative recovery time has really given me time to think.

There are a lot of things I’ve had to change in my life due to my caring role and yes I do get the odd pang of envy when someone is booking a holiday or a late night out but honestly, I’m so happy to be the one caring for my Mom and Dad, I wouldn’t change that for the world.

Pictures via Pinterest

Life Sparkles

Sometimes…

March 22, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

Sometimes I have everything and nothing to say. My mind can be full of thoughts, ideas for blog posts, ideas for the future, to try this, to re-visit that and sometimes I don’t do any of them. I have lists; lists to remind me to read the electric meter and send the reading in, lists of the shopping to do, lists of upcoming birthdays, medical appointments and repeat prescriptions for my parents, to do lists for work, lyrics and backing track lists and study lists…and sometimes nothing gets done and yet all gets done on time.

It has been a strange month for me. Pre-operation I had visions of me being up, about and active within a couple of days and spending my sick leave time from the day job catching up on loads of things associated with home. Oh how wrong I was!! Post operation was very different from my ‘plan’. Almost four weeks on although much stronger I am far from fully recovered. This process has given me time to think…a lot of time to think. I have learnt that I have to listen to my body. I have learnt to slow right down and rest. I have learnt to walk slowly, to do things slowly and to be thankful for all the blessings I have in my life. Walking in the garden last week building up my mobility, I took notice of the flowers and trees as they started to bloom, their beauty, renewal and promise of the future. I usually glance at the garden when passing by at speed, passing by without really appreciating the beauty in front of me.

One item in the garden I have always taken notice of is the Willow Tree, I love it. I love how it dances, sways to the breeze, zumba’s to the gales and tip toes gently to the slightest breath of air. I watch it through all the seasons, bare in the Winter and glinting in the high Summer sunshine. It brings me peace. I captured a Spring breeze blowing the new growth last week, it brings such calmness when I watch it.

The days have gone by quickly even though some days it feels as if I haven’t achieved very much, but I’m healing and perhaps some days that is just enough to be doing. I remember in the weeks before my operation that I was struggling somewhat. Walking through the station after getting off the train and then walking across the city to the office, it felt like such an effort. I was tired. Caring, Sundown nights, working, studying, looking after the home…it was all starting to wear me out. I believe God sent me something to make me stop. To make me rest, to open my eyes and look around and stop trying to do everything and be everywhere at a hundred miles an hour and just be.

By slowing me down, God has got me to wake up and smell the Roses and the blossoms of life.

Life Sparkles

Positives and Opportunities.

February 20, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

look-for-the-positive

“Our Gallbladder is a 4 inch pear-shaped organ positioned under your liver in the upper right section of the abdomen. The Gallbladder stores bile, a combination of fluids, fat and cholesterol. The bile helps break down fat from the food in our intestine”. (www.healthline.com).

It appears that I have chronic (long-term) inflammation of the gallbladder. This has recently come to a head in the last two months after I experienced two bouts of pain like never before. I couldn’t sit, stand, lie down – I just had to keep walking and no relief from the pain for hours. After ultrasounds, blood tests and Dr’s appointments it was decided that to save further attacks and to prevent further damage to surrounding organs, I am to have the gallbladder removed. Oh joy!

As a carer, this news put me into stress city. I would be out of action for some weeks post operation. The consultant said I would have to stay in hospital overnight – further stress, how can I leave my parents alone overnight?!!! I can’t just bring strangers in to the home?

And therein is the dilemma of millions of carers the world over. Who cares for the carer? There is no way I can put off the operation, apart from the constant pain and other symptoms which I have daily, (pain in the left side which radiates through the to back to up to the shoulder, heartburn, hot flushes and sometimes a chronic attack of pain and swollen tummy). things could take a nasty turn if left unattended. Which would untimely means further pressure on my caring responsibilities.

Therefore I have just had to plan around this. I have worked like a demon for the last three or so weeks, getting the house clean, shopping in advance, getting up to date and prepared for a handover in the day job. I can use my post operation time off to study, I have another assignment due on 16th March. I won’t be able to sing for a little while until my muscles regain their strength but I can check out backing tracks and lyrics. The way I see it is that I have been given a period of enforced rest, thinking time, sorting out time, regain health and fitness time – really, a time to start again, a new page, a new phase of life.

I am thankful to God that he sent me a wonderful boyfriend who has rearranged his caring responsibilities in order to come over to stay with my parents the night I am in hospital. This removes the bulk of my stress and I will not be trying to walk home with my drip attached during the evening or overnight to ensure they are ok. Anxiety can make you irrational!

I will be away from the day job for at least two, possibly three weeks depending on my healing and I intend to use this time wisely. There are so many things I want to investigate for my studies, health and social care, carers, mental health first aid. Then there is my passion for singing and researching music, recordings and video’s. I’ve ordered the box set of “Nashville” as I will be off to see the show in June. This will also be a great opportunity to get my healthy eating, diet and fitness back into harness. A chance to start over. I can also blog a little more, I really enjoy blogging, very therapeutic and I love to read other blogs. People lead such interesting lives, have wonderful talents and some have difficult lives and their words give you an understanding of other aspects of our world.

My thought to leave you with today is to check out any symptoms, pains and aches you may be experiencing, your body has a way of letting you know something isn’t right, don’t leave them unattended. Look for the positives in your situation, grab your opportunities and make the most of each moment.

look-for-the-positive-vibes

Images from Pinterest.

Life Sparkles

Decisions, Decisions…

January 15, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

happy-day

It’s been a funny couple of weeks. I’m finally starting to catch up with all the tasks, chores, studying that was let slide whilst I was in preparation for Christmas and the day job is now back to normal routine too. I like January, I don’t find it bleak, dull or depressing. Once the Christmas decorations are taken down on Twelfth Night and put away, yes, the house looks a little bare for a couple of days, but there is almost an air of expectancy. Of positivity, small bursts of excitement for what can be achieved in this new year. Winter can be very cold and dark with inclement weather, little daylight and the lows after the highs of Christmas. Winter is prime time for Mom’s “Sundown” to hit and although we have had quite a number of extremely late nights, we have had only one where I haven’t been to bed at all – which is a huge improvement.

Every day brings it’s own blessings, challenges, thoughts and ideas. I like my “day job” but how much longer do I want to spend in an office – there are so many other things I want to do with my days. Of course, I need money to live so perhaps not an option to just give up on the day job immediately. I’ve caught up with my studies and submitted my assignment and am now straight into the next block of study – I’m loving this module “Promoting Public Health” so interesting and because of my caring experience with M & D, these modules bring health and social care to life. For those of you in the UK, you know that Mental Health Funding has been in the news this week as has crisis in the NHS with overloaded A & E departments on the busiest weeks of the year. This module is the final one of my degree course. I have the study bug. It will have taken me seven years to obtain this degree, part time with The Open University and it has been hard work. I’ve done many all night working in order to get assignments in on time. I’ve “met” some wonderful people online in the module group pages and become friends with them -we can scream together, support each other and celebrate together. I think I will miss the studying, I’ve already started to explore the Open University website for next modules.

I’m trying again with my healthy eating and lifestyle, trying to eat healthier, move more and I did start the Couch to 5K podcast again last week and although it was hard it felt great to be back out there and running. Oh boy did I ache for a day or two afterwards. I achieved this last year and I really want to do it again this year and in fact I want to beat that 5K target – let’s go for 10K. (Feel free to remind me of this later in the year).

I returned to my vocal coach last week and oh how I loved that hour and a half. I can hardly believe the clear pure notes I am singing with at times and it is great to stretch my vocal ability. I’m hoping for some free time coming up so that I can download some more backing tracks and learn some more songs. (More about that to come on The Music Sparkle).

However, there are at times things that happen to slow you down a little.

So, I think for now, I keep plotting and planning for the future, thinking about what I really want to do and how do I go about doing it. My Pinterest feed of late is full of working from home, which at the moment is a requirement for me. It is also full of blogging tips, blogging ideas, blogging this, blogging that…I’m not good at self promotion but I think this is something I need to get over and start doing – I can’t be backwards in coming forwards if I want to sing and if I want to set something up regarding carers and their mental health and wellbeing as a carer. So I need to work out what I really want to do, how I am going to do it and what steps I need to take to get there. Perhaps it is time to step out of the comfort zone and try new things, to make every day count, to help others, to be there, to listen, to be kind and to reach out.

intuition

Thank you for visiting and reading my blog, I very much appreciate it.

Life Sparkles

Winter Frost.

December 29, 2016 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

I’ve not been out for a walk for ages, I think probably the end of November was the last time I actually went out for a walk, just for having a walk. It has been a beautiful day here in Central England. Freezing cold, frost remained on the ground all day. Clear blue skies and sunshine, just perfection.

I have been studying today, but I needed some fresh air, I felt kind of slouchy, lazy, sluggish. It was late afternoon, the sun was starting to go down, that low frost mist was appearing and I grabbed my coat, hat, scarf and gloves…and the iPod and off out I went.

It was gorgeous out there, the cold air hit my face and it was refreshing. Within five minutes I felt a million times better. Ideas and positive thoughts started to flood my brain. There were people out running, cycling, families out for a walk and lone walkers like me although perhaps they weren’t singing out loud complete with actions…

My legs ache now. It wasn’t a long walk, I was out about 45 minutes but it shows me just how out of condition I am. I can’t believe I ran 5k in June in 40 minutes, I really want to get that level of fitness back and beat it!

Here are a couple of pictures I took on my walk this afternoon.

Sometimes you just need to escape for a little you time.

Life Sparkles

Christmas Eve Magic.

December 25, 2016 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

Well Christmas Eve didn’t turn out as planned at all. Mom decided to stay in bed, (Sundowning), Dad got an infection in his arm which is extremely swollen and painful. Thank God for our NHS and out of hours Doctors – we are so lucky!

I managed to dash to the cemetery to leave some Christmas flowers for my Sister, call quickly to my niece, where I was due to have dinner, and then home where things were beginning to settle somewhat. Mom and I baked mince pies…which I burnt. I definitely don’t have my Mother’s cooking skills!

Then this evening I became unwell, so no Midnight Mass for me for the first time in years. I was upset but I know my body needs rest, it is under a lot of stress and pressure and it is telling me to slow up. We watched Midnight Mass via the live stream from Knock Shrine in County Mayo, Ireland which was beautiful.

Mom and Dad have often told me about Christmas when they were little and how they received Christmas Stockings. This year I have prepared a stocking each for them, complete with Satsumas! I’ll be playing Santa very soon.

On this holiest and magical of nights, I wish you a wonderfully Happy and Healthy Christmas. I hope it truly #Sparkles 🎄🌟

Life Sparkles

December Already!

December 22, 2016 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

December so far appears to have flown by as has 2016. I think this has been my fastest year ever…I must be getting old!!

It has been a busy month. Apart from the usual daily living there has been the preparation for Christmas to attend to. Shopping, gifts, cards, decorations all of which I love but this year I really felt I wouldn’t be ready in time. Mom’s “Sundowning” meant that I had to be very careful what I did and when so as not to upset her. It really threw me when I unpacked the Christmas Tree and Mom’s mood changed from being happy to worrying if someone had paid me to kill her. The tree was left and it took quite some time for me to calm her worries and anxiousness, bless her, it is so difficult to see her like that. Two days later we had Christmas music on and Mom merrily dressed the tree with me. Another lesson in things changing and having to adapt to doing things in different ways.

Today someone bought my Dad’s old car. Dad can no longer drive and hasn’t for two years and I think it was upsetting him to see it outside knowing he couldn’t just pop out and drive it. We held on to it for so long as Mom and Dad have had the car since 1984 and it holds lots of memories of trips, family holidays and the two of them going places together in it. When we discussed some time ago selling the car Mom got very upset as it was part of their story, their history, their life and deep down I think she was hoping that one day Dad would be able to drive again. Yet today, when the man that bought it drove away in it, it was me who felt tearful and sad. I just hope tomorrow when Mom looks outside and the car is gone that we are not in for an emotional day.

And so it has been a mixed few weeks, an office Christmas meal out, a new little headband made from pure Sheep’s wool – Aran Isles – Ireland, a treat for me. Sundowning back in full force and therefore limited sleep and lots of Country Music. In the words of Jim Reeves “Welcome to my World” I wouldn’t change it for anything.