Daughter – Dawn. The Sparkle Diaries.

Tonight Mam was worrying about coming to bed. She felt someone would come along in the night and tell her to get up and go, she’s in the wrong place. This has happened a couple of times before yet tonight was the first time I fully appreciated how frightening that must make Mam feel.

Dad and I chatted to her to reduce her fear but she was still unsettled. We did make it up to bed and I cuddled her in. We talked about the wind and rain outside, about my boyfriend coming to spend the day on Saturday and how he makes us laugh with his sense of humour. We talked about Dad taking ages to get into his pyjamas and slowly Mam started to relax. When I said goodnight to her and checked she had everything she needed Mam thanked me for helping her. I said “you don’t need to thank me, I’m only making sure you are ok”. Mam then said she was so sorry that I’m having the weight of her and Dad around my neck, this wasn’t the life she intended for me. I don’t know how I held the tears back. Now whilst I’m writing this they are falling quietly…

I hugged her as tight as I could without hurting her, my lovely fairy of a Mam. I said “Fairy, where else would I be but with you and Dad”.

Thank you. Two simple words which when said with real feeling and with real meaning can make your heart feel like it could burst with love and pain simultaneously.

Mothers and daughters ❤️

Picture via Pinterest

@aurorasparkles ✨

Suddenly I find myself in the fourth week post leaving the day job. Where has the time gone? Time seems to be flying by even quicker than usual. It has been busy at home, getting the walk in bath and shower fitted; which unfortunately hasn’t been without issue. I’ve learnt a lot about thermostatic pumps, gravity fed systems, air locks and central heating pumps too! However, that’s a whole other blog post.

In the midst of my caring role, I appear to have gone a little retro. Feeling free from the pressure and deadlines of the day job has been amazing. Having such lovely Summer weather has reminded me of teenage years, not a care in the world years. A far cry from thinking about stair lifts, prescriptions and Sundown nights. I’m enjoying looking after my parents, I try to make the days as happy as possible and also try to get a little me time, which can be a bit hit and miss.

So, one Sunday I gave my parents peaches and cream for dessert, they loved it! We haven’t had that since I was a child.

I’ve started buying Palmolive soap again. I adore the aroma especially in the Summer evenings as it brings back memories of being at my Sister’s house as a child, with my nieces and how my Sister would wash us after a day playing in the sunshine, with Palmolive soap.

As a teenager I drove my parents mad until they bought me a pair of Dr Scholls, they were very popular in the late 70’s early 80’s. Yes, you’ve guessed it…I thought about them recently and guess what, they are back in fashion so I was able to buy myself a pair.

I’m doing my best to keep the garden up to standard, my parents are keen gardeners but have been unable to do anything in the garden for a few years, so now I’m having a go. I’m very happy with my Hydrangea. I have loved these blooms from a very early age, they bring back memories of Mom and Dad’s first house when I was four years old.

I have the radio on during the afternoon when I’m pottering around doing tasks and I listen to BBC Radio 2. Steve Wright in the afternoon. That really does bring back lots of memories especially with the music that is played, it’s no wonder I’ve gone retro!

One thing I have learnt since starting to care full time; things get done as and when. I may have a plan or a “to do” list but often life has other thoughts. There is no point in getting stressed, I’m learning to go with the flow of the day, whatever that may be.

It’s an uneasy transition from daughter to carer, I’m hanging on to the daughter label for as long as I can. With regards to my retro period, I can only offer these words from Madonna in my defence. From the song “This used to be my playground”.