Finding Myself – Dawn. The Sparkle Diaries.

It’s so strange to have time on my hands. I’ve gone from being on the go 24/7 to nothing. Those first few weeks alone after Mom rejoined Dad, I was up most of the night. I was watching “Now 90’s” on TV which revisited my clubbing days and I still love dance music. There was an 80’s music TV channel which I discovered and loved. 4 am to bed was early for me. I wasn’t tired and I didn’t want to go to bed and I didn’t want to go to sleep. Sleep meant forgetting what had happened and then when I woke the nightmare of truth just hit me all over again so no, I didn’t want to go to sleep.

I’ve been watching films galore. “Pitch Perfect” – oh how I enjoyed that one and also “Mamma Mia”. “Searching” was really good and I loved “Oblivion”. I escaped into these films, they engrossed me for the length of time they were on. When they were over though, once again reality hit and so did the tears. I struggle with evenings and overnight although thankfully I had a word with myself and I am now getting to bed at a much more reasonable hour.

With the recent good weather I decided to get out in the garden and plant some flowers in the empty, discarded and unloved plant pots. I was out there for four hours in the sunshine, birds singing, gentle breeze and the sound of children playing in nearby gardens. It lifted my heart somewhat. I’ll never be as good a gardener as my parents but I didn’t do too badly on my four hour shift.