Leapoffaith – Dawn. The Sparkle Diaries.

Well it’s been a while since I had a chance to update my blog. I’ve always got lots of ideas of what to write about but recently time to do so has not been on my side.

However, in the last few weeks I’ve made a decision and it wasn’t an easy one to make. I’ve wrestled with this over and over in my mind for months and really I don’t know why it has taken me so long to get here because the signs and signals of the right thing to do have been almost slapping me in the face. It’s time to take a complete leap of faith and give up the day job.

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I can’t continue to juggle the day job with caring for my parents as both take up all my time and my parents are more important than spreadsheets! Being off work recovering from my operation I seen that my parents need more care and attention than before. I want to give them that care and attention. My employers have been fantastically supportive of me allowing me to work flexibly. My job is demanding, filled with deadlines and tight turnarounds and I think it’s only fair they have someone doing the job who is there, in the office daily. Although I work from home most of the time these days and I get the job done, I can no longer fight the feeling that it’s time to let go, time to change, time to move on.

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This isn’t a decision I’ve made lightly. I had a long chat with our Doctor who agreed that perhaps now, in my caring capacity, it was also time to do some things I enjoy and have freedom from the demands of the day job. My close friends have agreed and even himself who up to recently has been very much against this move, said he would support my decision, the time is right to change.

I spoke to my manager last week and gave her my decision and on a personal level she said she fully understood but she is very sorry to lose me. Later she contacted me asking me to consider job shares, logging in for two hours every day or one day a week working as a support to my replacement. I have considered the one day a week and although it sounds like a great idea, the more I think about it the more my gut feeling says no. It would still be a demand that one day a week and I need to be free of time restrictions as I have to go with the flow of demands at home.

I have three months notice to work, with accrued holiday I could be day job free by early July. I feel liberated, free, excited and scared all at once. I have no idea how this is going to pan out, I just know, somehow, that this is right.

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Over the past months I’ve had it in mind to take a complete leap of faith into a different life. We all lead such busy lives, rushing here and there, doing this and that. Even when we sit down in the evenings we’re connected to social media, the Internet, emails or messages, we rarely switch off.

I wonder why making changes is so scary? Fear of the unknown? Fear of failure? But is it not better to have tried something you really want to do than stay in your comfort zone and dream about it? What if you succeed? What if you fly? It is all possible but not if we don’t take any steps towards achieving the changes we want to make.

Thankfully I passed my recent exam and I achieved the grade two I needed. This leaves me with one final module to complete which commences in October this year. “Promoting Public Health”. It sounds interesting and I’m ready to take on the workload. But how much easier it would be if I had more time. I could be up to date instead of my usual three weeks behind. I could read articles properly instead of skim reading…

I want to learn the guitar. I can’t possibly take this on at the moment with my caring responsibilities, looking after the home, working, studying…but what if I had more time?

I want to spend more time around my parents, looking after them, giving them as many happy days as possible…when I leave the house to go to work these days, I worry about them, I’m anxious about their health…but what is really important, them or the job…they win hands down every time.

I totally understand why people think I should stay with the day job, that it would be wrong for my health and wellbeing not to be engaged in the outside world. I know that being at home all day would be wrong for both me and my parents. They need to keep the independence they currently have. But surely I can plot and plan weekly to suit us all and ensure I’m out and about in the world. I don’t want to go from feeling caged in an office to caged in the house.

Maybe now is the time to reflect on what really is important. I feel I have reached a time of my life where if I don’t take a chance now and do the right thing, follow my heart, follow my dreams, I never will. The opportunities are there now.

Do I really want to spend the next 20 years sitting at a desk, working on spreadsheets…or is it now time to spread those wings of mine and really sparkle ✨🌟💫

Picture via Pinterest.