Is it just me or does anyone else find themselves changing as they get older? I don’t mean in looks or body shape but in what makes you comfortable. I have discovered that I see things from a different perspective and I’m not sure if that’s a new me breaking through with the value of life experience or if this is part of the old me breaking through once more. Perhaps it is a little of both. As my caring journey unfolded it was very much that I didn’t really exist as the priority was my parents. My life was completely on hold and I have no issue with that at all. It was a requirement of the role I was carrying out in looking after them. It’s taking a little time and now I feel bits of the old me coming back and also the lessons that life has taught and continues to teach me as my life progresses.
I think too that the various lockdowns due to the Covid-19 pandemic has also changed my perspective on life and perhaps this too is because the pandemic arrived quite quickly after my parents passed away so it was a continuous transition. I’ve written in earlier blog posts that I found the lockdown healing and therapeutic and I know that I am very lucky in that as for a lot of people the lockdown was soul destroying, isolating and disruptive to their lives. Maybe because I hadn’t been out of the house very much during the caring years, I was used to a type of home lockdown and I was able to adapt better than a lot of people.
This past two years for me has been a period of ongoing evaluation. It’s very difficult when life changes suddenly and life as you knew it just stops. I know that I found my strength and independence from within. I realised that I had been taught to be that way by my parents and family. It’s now that I feel I am emerging and although I am the same I’m also very different. I know that doesn’t make sense and yet it does. My core values remain the same; honesty, trust, love, truth, kindness and laughter. I also realise that I need to be a little more selfish with my time. This is now my time. I have no real commitments a I did before so it’s down to me to make my choices and spend my time wisely. None of us know how long we have here.
I have stepped away from toxic and negative people so that I have peace in my life. Social media has been wonderful for connecting me to some wonderful people. Authors, musicians, poets, dancers, artists and beautiful, kind hearted, warm kindred spirits. People who support you, who you support and cheer on. Deep conversations are held as are lighthearted chats about shows on TV or Netflix. It’s all good and it’s all happy. There is no pressure, no arguments, just pleasure.
I spend time with himself and help to care of his Mom. I see my cousins and a couple of very close friends and I’m happy with that. My perspective as the social butterfly that I was pre carer role has completely changed and I’m comfortable with that. Maybe because I am getting older and have experienced various life lessons, I truly understand about the little things meaning so much. I know that this is my time to push my comfort zone, work hard and follow my passion. I am comfortable with that thought even though somedays it’s scares me so much. I know deep down I will love it.
Be comfortable in your life but keep pushing that comfort zone to experience all you can. Look at things from a different perspective, you just don’t know what you may find. Life is for living so make sure you live every single day. Be a little selfish with your time and do what sets your soul on fire.
With love and sparkles xxx
Dawn. The Sparkle Diaries. 