Life Sparkles

Leap of faith!

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Well it’s been a while since I had a chance to update my blog. I’ve always got lots of ideas of what to write about but recently time to do so has not been on my side. 

However, in the last few weeks I’ve made a decision and it wasn’t an easy one to make. I’ve wrestled with this over and over in my mind for months and really I don’t know why it has taken me so long to get here because the signs and signals of the right thing to do have been almost slapping me in the face. It’s time to take a complete leap of faith and give up the day job.


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I can’t continue to juggle the day job with caring for my parents as both take up all my time and my parents are more important than spreadsheets! Being off work recovering from my operation I seen that my parents need more care and attention than before. I want to give them that care and attention. My employers have been fantastically supportive of me allowing me to work flexibly. My job is demanding, filled with deadlines and tight turnarounds and I think it’s only fair they have someone doing the job who is there, in the office daily. Although I work from home most of the time these days and I get the job done, I can no longer fight the feeling that it’s time to let go, time to change, time to move on.


Picture via Pinterest 

This isn’t a decision I’ve made lightly. I had a long chat with our Doctor who agreed that perhaps now, in my caring capacity, it was also time to do some things I enjoy and have freedom from the demands of the day job. My close friends have agreed and even himself who up to recently has been very much against this move, said he would support my decision, the time is right to change.

I spoke to my manager last week and gave her my decision and on a personal level she said she fully understood but she is very sorry to lose me. Later she contacted me asking me to consider job shares, logging in for two hours every day or one day a week working as a support to my replacement. I have considered the one day a week and although it sounds like a great idea, the more I think about it the more my gut feeling says no. It would still be a demand that one day a week and I need to be free of time restrictions as I have to go with the flow of demands at home.

I have three months notice to work, with accrued holiday I could be day job free by early July. I feel liberated, free, excited and scared all at once. I have no idea how this is going to pan out, I just know, somehow, that this is right.


Picture via Pinterest 

Travel Sparkles.

Friends and Memories.

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Last weekend, a friend of ours passed away.  A long time friend of himself, I have known him and his wife for around thirteen years.  Although he had been unwell for the past three years, he had been living life as fully as he could and then there was a rapid change and in the course of a few days, he returned to God.

Each year, during our UK Bank Holiday weekend at the end of May, we would travel to the South Coast in order to visit our friends who were also visiting the South Coast for a week.  We would join them on the Sunday for a wonderful roast lunch followed by a long walk on the beach, tea in the upstairs lounge of their beach house, looking out to sea, before we headed back to the Midlands.  Whether the weather was good or bad, we had wonderful days with them.  Enjoyed the welcoming of their children, laughs and good chats with their families, happy carefree days which you think will go on forever but of course they don’t.

I have felt very sad over this past week, I wasn’t able to visit last year due to my caring responsibilities so the last time I actually spent time with them was in May 2015. Of course, we have communicated via social media but I never thought that the last visit really was the last time I would enjoy a day with them.

I have put together a small selection of photo’s from my various trips to Gun Wharf Quays, where we would stay on the Friday and Saturday before making our way to Wittering on Sunday. (Far to far for a day trip).  Visiting there in the future will just not be the same but the memories live on.

 

Life Sparkles

Officially…

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… I’m an unpaid carer. There, I’ve written it down so it must be true.  I’ve been caring for both of my parents one way or another since September 2015. I work part-time, my employers have been incredibly supportive allowing me to work from home and the office. I study, soon to complete (I hope) my BSc (Hons) in Health and Social Care. I love to sing and have been going to see my fabulous vocal coach on as regular a basis as I can. I have a fantastic b/f who is also a carer for his Mother and I have wonderful friends who totally accept that I might make a coffee date with them and either have to break it or rush off home as I’ve received a telephone call.

It hasn’t been an easy transition for me. Although I moved home some years ago to “look after” my parents, I had a good life. Worked full time, out every weekend, had short breaks and holidays alongside the limited caring I actually needed to do back then. Now it is very different.  My only night away from home in two years was when I was recently in hospital having an operation and my b/f stopped with my parents to ensure they were safe. (He has cover, I don’t). I see my b/f perhaps once in three weeks due to both our caring responsibilities and these days I feel blessed if we get an hour together in a coffee shop, it really is the little things that matter.


Life has changed, a lot. I have encountered many emotions on this caring journey. Fear, anger, jealousy, impatience and once or twice out of sheer tiredness and frustration I’ve shouted and then cried bitter tears for doing so. I have also experienced such love for my parents it is untrue. I’ve learnt to look after them but let them have the little bit of independence they still have and to do what they want to do…although I am so like a Mom to tell them off! We laugh, we pray, we sing songs together.  I’ve become more relaxed and less tense, more patient, more tolerant and less stressed out. I feel absolutely blessed to be looking after them as difficult as it can be.

So this week I took the plunge and contacted the relevant department to be registered as the carer of my parents. I’ve put this off for so long and I don’t know why? Wishing it wasn’t true won’t change anything. Now that I’m registered it feels almost liberating that I’ve finally come to terms with life as it is right now. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, this post operative recovery time has really given me time to think. 

There are a lot of things I’ve had to change in my life due to my caring role and yes I do get the odd pang of envy when someone is booking a holiday or a late night out but honestly, I’m so happy to be the one caring for my Mom and Dad, I wouldn’t change that for the world.


Pictures via Pinterest

Life Sparkles

Sometimes…

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Sometimes I have everything and nothing to say. My mind can be full of thoughts, ideas for blog posts, ideas for the future, to try this, to re-visit that and sometimes I don’t do any of them. I have lists; lists to remind me to read the electric meter and send the reading in, lists of the shopping to do, lists of upcoming birthdays, medical appointments and repeat prescriptions for my parents, to do lists for work, lyrics and backing track lists and study lists…and sometimes nothing gets done and yet all gets done on time.

It has been a strange month for me. Pre-operation I had visions of me being up, about and active within a couple of days and spending my sick leave time from the day job catching up on loads of things associated with home. Oh how wrong I was!! Post operation was very different from my ‘plan’. Almost four weeks on although much stronger I am far from fully recovered. This process has given me time to think…a lot of time to think.  I have learnt that I have to listen to my body. I have learnt to slow right down and rest. I have learnt to walk slowly, to do things slowly and to be thankful for all the blessings I have in my life. Walking in the garden last week building up my mobility, I took notice of the flowers and trees as they started to bloom, their beauty, renewal and promise of the future. I usually glance at the garden when passing by at speed, passing by without really appreciating the beauty in front of me. 

One item in the garden I have always taken notice of is the Willow Tree, I love it. I love how it dances, sways to the breeze, zumba’s to the gales and tip toes gently to the slightest breath of air. I watch it through all the seasons, bare in the Winter and glinting in the high Summer sunshine. It brings me peace. I captured a Spring breeze blowing the new growth last week, it brings such calmness when I watch it.

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The days have gone by quickly even though some days it feels as if I haven’t achieved very much, but I’m healing and perhaps some days that is just enough to be doing. I remember in the weeks before my operation that I was struggling somewhat. Walking through the station after getting off the train and then walking across the city to the office, it felt like such an effort. I was tired. Caring, Sundown nights, working, studying, looking after the home…it was all starting to wear me out.  I believe God sent me something to make me stop. To make me rest, to open my eyes and look around and stop trying to do everything and be everywhere at a hundred miles an hour and just be. 

By slowing me down, God has got me to wake up and smell the Roses and the blossoms of life.

Life Sparkles

Springtime, Changes and Renewal.

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It was a beautiful Spring day today; bright, sunny, blue skies with a chilly wind. As I have been cooped up all week since returning from hospital, I decided to take a slow stroll around the garden, I needed some fresh air. The trees and plants are coming to life again, after the long, dark Winter months, the lighter days and sunshine has renewed nature and it is beautiful.

As I walked around viewing the buds on the trees and the blooms of the snowdrops,  I found myself thinking of my health and recovery from the gallbladder removal surgery. My body is also now enjoying a renewal of sorts. It is suffering the post operative trauma right now but if I look after it, do the right things, feed it the right foods, my body will heal and be strong again, another beautiful miracle of nature and the amazing body we have been blessed with.

Just as the landscape around us changes with the seasons we too are constantly changing, our minds, our personal style, our life goals, hopes and dreams. Spring brings everything to new life, we change, we grow, we heal, just as the flowers around us reach for the sunshine and brighter days, we too reach for the beauty of life.


I didn’t know I had any of these little beauties in the garden.


There is always something of beauty to see if you look hard enough.


Refreshed and renewed my Shamrock looks great ahead of Patrick’s Day.


My favourite tree in the garden, the Weeping Willow, is starting to bud.

© A Touch of Irish Sparkle 2017

Life Sparkles

Post Operation- Recovery starts here!

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For all my positivity I have to admit Monday was pretty dreadful. The effects of the anaesthetic were just awful. I had injections in my legs and my tummy and just kept getting sick until the night nurse gave me nothing short of a miracle drug at 1 am and I started getting better from there.

In order to stop me shaking and warm me up (veins had gone into hiding) the anaesthetist got me singing – the team got a rendition of “Rose Garden” – a first, no-one has ever sang in that room before. It wasn’t how I expected my first public performance to be but somehow through the nerves and anxiety I managed to sing.

I’m home, I’m sore and I can’t move very much. It hurts to hold the iPad! The consultant said the operation was a success. About a month until full sparkle powers will be restored 💫✨🌟 He did an amazing job, very tidy and my four scars are small.

I survived and I’m healing. I’m finding it hard to adjust to not moving around at high speed. Lifting a cup or a plate hurts. Laughing hurts, a lot! Deep breathing hurts. Peppermint Tea and Extra Strong Mints are helping with the wind (they blow your tummy up with air in order to reach your organs). Thankfully so far I have not suffered too badly with this displaced air. 

I have very little appetite at the moment which won’t do me any harm at all. I had far too much appetite beforehand. So far I have managed toast, soup, plain biscuits and fruit. I need to eat the food which will aid recovery and although I don’t need to avoid fats and dairy, it is better I don’t introduce them straight away. 

At the moment I can’t sit properly, I sit at an angle and lie in bed propped up at an angle as I can’t lie flat just yet. This is steadily improving, I’m down from four to three pillows. As long as I follow instructions I will heal properly and be back to full health so I am taking this opportunity to start again with the health and fitness. There is no better time than now.

Picture via Pinterest

I am feeling very lucky. I have received so many get well messages, cards and the most beautiful flowers which have cheered me up. Friends have called in to say hello and between us, my parents and I are working out how we do things within the house. Thankfully there isn’t much apart from daily cooking really as I had everything else done pre operation. 


My beautiful flowers.

Gall bladders – what a pain in the ass – actually that’s about the only place I didn’t have a pain 😉Thank goodness for painkillers.

Have you had any surgery similar to mine? Do you have any tips for recovery? What to eat? How long your recovery took? Tomorrow I hope to feel well enough to study, I’ve an assignment due in two weeks…

Life Sparkles

Changes.

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Recently I have read Blogs, Facebook posts and Tweets which all have a similar theme. Change. People are changing. People are swapping their day job, career, lifestyle in order to follow their dream, their passion, to follow what they feel within is their destiny. I felt in awe of these people. They weren’t randomly throwing caution to the wind and resigning right, left and centre. They had thought hard about this decision. Had followed up training courses, downsized their homes as they would no longer be earning as before and as well as feeling excited about the new page in their life, they felt scared too, which was also kind of exciting.

I started to think about me. My job, my hopes and dreams, my life. Other people were making the changes they wanted to, what was stopping me? And then the answer arrived. Me!!! I am stopping me. I’m in my comfort zone with my day job, I like it, I’d go as far as to say I enjoy it but do I still want to be doing it in five years time? Three years time? One year from now?

So, whilst I am in post operative recovery mode, I have a lot of thinking to do.  What do I really want to do and how am I going to make this happen? I’m beginning to think this enforced rest has been sent to me in order to take time to reflect. There are some things about my life I cannot change but there are other aspects that I can change. I’m lacking in the confidence to spread my wings and fly some of those dreams for myself, and that needs to change.

Until the next time…


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Life Sparkles

Positives and Opportunities.

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look-for-the-positive

“Our Gallbladder is a 4 inch pear-shaped organ positioned under your liver in the upper right section of the abdomen. The Gallbladder stores bile, a combination of fluids, fat and cholesterol.  The bile helps break down fat from the food in our intestine”. (www.healthline.com).

It appears that I have chronic (long-term) inflammation of the gallbladder. This has recently come to a head in the last two months after I experienced two bouts of pain like never before.  I couldn’t sit, stand, lie down – I just had to keep walking and no relief from the pain for hours.  After ultrasounds, blood tests and Dr’s appointments it was decided that to save further attacks and to prevent further damage to surrounding organs, I am to have the gallbladder removed.  Oh joy!

As a carer, this news put me into stress city.  I would be out of action for some weeks post operation. The consultant said I would have to stay in hospital overnight – further stress, how can I leave my parents alone overnight?!!!  I can’t just bring strangers in to the home?

And therein is the dilemma of millions of carers the world over. Who cares for the carer? There is no way I can put off the operation, apart from the constant pain and other symptoms which I have daily, (pain in the left side which radiates through the to back to up to the shoulder, heartburn, hot flushes and sometimes a chronic attack of pain and swollen tummy). things could take a nasty turn if left unattended. Which would untimely means further pressure on my caring responsibilities.

Therefore I have just had to plan around this.  I have worked like a demon for the last three or so weeks, getting the house clean, shopping in advance, getting up to date and prepared for a handover in the day job.  I can use my post operation time off to study, I have another assignment due on 16th March.  I won’t be able to sing for a little while until my muscles regain their strength but I can check out backing tracks and lyrics.   The way I see it is that I have been given a period of enforced rest, thinking time, sorting out time, regain health and fitness time – really, a time to start again, a new page, a new phase of life.

I am thankful to God that he sent me a wonderful boyfriend who has rearranged his caring responsibilities in order to come over to stay with my parents the night I am in hospital. This removes the bulk of my stress and  I will not be trying to walk home with my drip attached during the evening or overnight  to ensure they are ok.  Anxiety can make you irrational!

I will be away from the day job for at least two, possibly three weeks depending on my healing and I intend to use this time wisely. There are so many things I want to investigate for my studies, health and social care, carers, mental health first aid.  Then there is my passion for singing and researching music, recordings and video’s.  I’ve ordered the box set of “Nashville” as I will be off to see the show in June.  This will also be a great opportunity to get my healthy eating, diet and fitness back into harness.  A chance to start over.  I can also blog a little more, I really enjoy blogging, very therapeutic and I love to read other blogs.  People lead such interesting lives, have wonderful talents and some have difficult lives and their words give you an understanding of other aspects of our world.

My thought to leave you with today is to check out any symptoms, pains and aches you may be experiencing, your body has a way of letting you know something isn’t right, don’t leave them unattended. Look for the positives in your situation, grab your opportunities and make the most of each moment.

look-for-the-positive-vibes

Images from Pinterest.

 

The Music Sparkle.

Mixed up Music.

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My visit to my vocal coach on Monday was brilliant.  I always look forward to my session and I am constantly amazed at how my voice is improving, the clarity of notes, the pitch and the resonance.  If feels wonderful, because I am doing something I love and also following a dream.

I’ve started over the past few months to download backing tracks and print off lyrics and learn the songs and the music, to inject emotion and passion although my confidence to do this is still not very good.

Last Monday I sang “Rose Garden” made famous by Lyn Anderson and more recently by Martina McBride. From there I moved to “Love of the Loved” by Cilla Black.  A totally amazing song written by Lennon and McCartney in the early Sixties and was Cilla’s first single which I think entered the charts at Number 35 and she was disappointed at that.  I first heard this song when I watched the film/documentary “Cilla” a couple of weeks ago.  What a story.  I think it made an impact on me because I grew up to the sounds of Cilla, I remember my family watching “The Cilla Black Show” on Saturday evenings and I remember Cilla hosting “Blind Date” and “Surprise Surprise” she was definitely a UK national treasure.  This film brought to life her start and the whole music scene in Liverpool in the early Sixties, her friendship with Ringo Starr and the Beatles, singing at The Cavern, the fashion of the time and her wonderful friendship/relationship/romance with Bobby Willis who became her husband and was her only love.  A truly fabulous story and I fell in love with that song, “Love of the Loved”.  It is not easy to sing, it jumps up and down and there are a lot of lyrics to fit into a few bars of music but I still loved singing it.

From there I made a complete change to a rock song, “Home Sweet Home” by Motley Crue. Oh yes, a big change from Country Music and The Sixties.  I have loved this song since I heard it in the 1990’s and wow – can I belt it out too – it is in my vocal comfort zone but still needs a lot of practice to perfect it.

 

So a few new songs to learn here, to sing out clear and brightly, to inject the emotion and to gain confidence.  To record on my iPad and listen back to, to see where I can change a note or a phrase to make it mine.

Video’s shared from You Tube – I hope it is ok to do this, I just wanted you to get a feel of my mixed up music this week.

Thank you for reading my blog.

 

 

 

 

Travel Sparkles.

Lake District.

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In September 2005, himself and I travelled a few hours North on the motorway to the Lake District of England and it was here we surprisingly discovered that we love walking and hiking.  We were not kitted out correctly but being the first week of September the weather was kind, lots of showers but nothing that we couldn’t handle with the clothes we had with us, plus, if we had needed to, we were surrounded by shops providing everything we would need.

What a truly beautiful area of England, we barely touched the surface and hopefully one day we will travel there again to explore some more of it’s beauty.  I’ve posted below a few photo’s of the trip which I particularly like and they do give a taste of the beauty of the area.

We stayed in Bowness in Windermere which was an ideal location, a few minutes walk from both Bowness and Windermere.  We visited Coniston Water, Ambleside and Keswick. All of which I would highly recommend for walking, touring and also for a relaxing long weekend, there are some fabulous hotels in the area.

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