Crisp, Cold and Beautiful.

November 2, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.6 Comments

I’m loving these few days of late Autumn, early Winter we’re having. Living in The Midlands of England we are quite sheltered from extremely bad weather. If we get it bad here it must be truly desperate in other areas of the country. The forecasters are saying heavy rain on the way but for the past few days it has been beautiful. Cold, dry, sunny and perfect for getting a quick walk and some fresh air. I feel so much better for making the effort to go outdoors, feel the sunshine or the wind on my face. After today I think the hat and gloves need to come out!!

This afternoon I took a chance and had a shorter around the block walk. I was taking a chance as it was a little later than usual for me to venture out. It was just starting to get dark, twilight, sundown…which is also what throws Mom into confusion about the time of day or night “Sundowning” is quite apt. We had an all nighter last night and Mom was still not on good terms with me (it happens), hence I took the chance to walk.

It was stunning outside, the twilight sunset and the rising of the moon. The touch of the evening mist on my face and the cold on my hands. A sense of freedom, re-newed energy and a feeling of wellbeing. I was gone for 25 minutes and I felt amazing when I returned. Ready to face the evening and by now, Mom was friends with me again.

Such beautiful colours, nature at her best.

Saturday Afternoon Walking – Posing as usual.

Life Sparkles

Yesterday.

September 10, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.6 Comments

Yesterday, all my troubles were definitely not far away. We all know things can happen in a breath and when they do you appear to enter some form of altered reality.

Before I start to relay my tale, I’ll let you know up front that things appear, so far, to be ok. I’m writing this blog post for a couple of reasons; one to help me deal with things and two, to give a little insight into life as a carer.

My fairy of a Mom had a sudden collapse yesterday around 1 pm. Dad shouted for me and when I seen her I immediately dialled 999 for paramedics. All colour had drained from her, she couldn’t breathe, she was boiling hot, weak, dizzy, reteching, feeling sick and barely able to talk. Dad was in a state but remaining calm, I was in stress city but for some reason I’m always good in a crisis. I fall apart afterwards. Paramedics arrived within fifteen minutes and all vital signs were fine, which was a relief, but Mom was still very sick. The decision was made she would need to go to hospital. I ran around like a crazy thing grabbing what I thought we’d need. It was afternoon, I knew Dad would be ok for a couple of hours but he was crying as they carried Mom out to the ambulance. I was trying to calm him down, I knew how he felt, but I had to stay strong.

Mom was very quiet, still very sick and weak. We were booked into A & E and transferred to a bed outside the already occupied bays. I stood by the trolley and cuddled her. She looked so small and frail. The Doctors and nurses were wonderful. We were in a bay fairly quickly, vitals were taken again and were all good. Blood samples were taken as it takes about ninety minutes for the results, so best to not delay. Mom was made a cup of tea, she was more talkative, the colour was returning to her cheeks, she was able to drink her tea and she wasn’t feeling sick.

We then seen the Senior Doctor and a Junior Doctor; lots of examinations, questions, and assessment. Mom was much improved by this time. The Doctor said he would await the blood tests before making a decision on whether Mom could come home. If we were being kept in, it meant I had to ensure there was a carer at home overnight with Dad.

We were wheeled out of the bay and Mom was given some tea and toast. Mom was asking lots of questions about what happened and what’s happening next and when could we go home to Dad. I could see myself she was back to normal by now, but it had taken three and a half hours. A senior sister came over to chat to Mom; she needed Mom to get up and walk so they could check her mobility…and that’s when the mood changed. Mom would not get off that bed until she was ready, she was no longer listening to me, she was doing things her way. After a few minutes she got off the bed and started to walk around the area, bearing in mind we were still in the area where the ambulances bring in the patients and it was busy, with all kinds of ailments, medical, mental, alcohol and here was my dot of a Mom strolling around through it all, me trying to hold Mom, bags and jackets and try to get her to sit down. I was scared she would fall and break a hip again. Apart from not wanting that to happen, nor wanting a two week stay in hospital there would be the panic of looking after Dad too!

Picture via Pinterest

The Doctor arrived to say all bloods were fine, they were satisfied what had happened was a sudden drop in blood pressure. We could go home and I was to keep an eye on things. Hooray I thought, so relieved that all was ok and we could go. Mom however had other ideas. She wouldn’t leave the department, she did not think I was taking her home in a taxi. Mom wanted Dad. I phoned Dad to talk to her, she wouldn’t speak with him. The taxi arrived, she wouldn’t walk out to it. I had to send the taxi home to get Dad and bring him to the hospital so that he could take her home. In the midst of this our Parish Priest arrived and Mom sat down to chat with him. He then waited for Dad to arrive and walked him in to where we were. So now I had two of them sitting in what was becoming an increasingly busy department as evening rolled in…and no sign of going home. I was stood in the middle of the department, with it all unraveling in front of me in a kind of fog, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do now. It was all down to me to sort this out, do something, but what?!!!

Inspiration arrived. I contacted the lovely male carer who visits each week to see if needed, could he stay overnight with Dad, yes he could. I was thinking I’d have to send Dad home and I’d stay with Mom until she was ready to move. There was still no sign of movement towards home when I returned to them so I called our wonderfully kind neighbour who Mom has girlie evenings with if I’m off to a show; she said she would come down to A & E and hopefully that would entice Mom to come home.

When I got back to them this time, Mom’s mood had changed back and she was ready to come home. So, the three of us took a very slow walk, me trying to hold them both steady, over towards the A & E waiting room. Half way there our neighbour approached, Mom was delighted to see her. We sat at a table and bought tea and I called another taxi. Another very slow walk out into the evening and into the car. The taxi driver was lovely, he treated Mom like she was his own family, put her in the seat next to him and they chatted all the way home. Such kindness was so appreciated. Tea and toast all round, our neighbour came in to chat to Mom and all was calm. Four hours after we were told we could come home, we were home!

I didn’t care last night that we didn’t get to bed. Mom was ok, safe, warm and asleep in her chair, I was happy to be on the sofa watching over her. I had settled Dad to bed, he was worn out after the day.

Today has been a slow, tired out, just hitting me kind of day. Mom did amazingly well considering her ordeal and I think it was actually better that she was in her strong, independent mood as she coped with things better than if she felt afraid or vulnerable. She slept a lot today but she must have been shattered.

It was one thing me going to hospital with Mom and being able to leave Dad alone for a few hours but should it be the other way around, I couldn’t leave Mom unattended and I’d have to be very careful who was here. The emergency back up service will supply me with a nurse but it will be someone we have never met and there is no way around that. This will not be good but I may not have a choice.

Tonight, we have made it to bed, Dad has had some angina so I’m on wide awake alert. Today I stood in the kitchen thinking “this is to much for me”, “I can’t cope/deal/take on all this responsibility” and all the time the quote about God not giving us more than we can handle kept coming to mind. Self-care has come to mind too; I’m tired, I’ve forced myself to eat because I know I need to have strength for tomorrow, if I keel over, we have real problems here.

I need to build more contingency plans, I’m not sure how or who with but I need to have things in place. I don’t know how quickly the emergency carers can be here. I don’t know if our companion carers can successfully cover emergencies. I don’t know if there is anything else I can put in place to assist us…I need to find out. My chap couldn’t come to help me yesterday as he is currently alone caring for his Mother whilst his sister is on holiday.

Ever thankful to our fantastic NHS, we are so lucky to have the healthcare system that we do in the UK.

Here’s to a less tired, calmer, less stressful weekend.

Picture via Pinterest

Life Sparkles

Love your bed!!

August 18, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.10 Comments

Why am I saying this? Because I haven’t managed to stay in bed all night for four nights out of six and at the moment, I’m not sure about tonight.

Mom is having a very unsettled week when it comes to bedtime. On average we experience one night in twentyone where I am up all night with Mom. It’s all part of the “Sundowning” which Mom goes through. Sundowning is a condition where the body clock goes out of kilter; for want of a better explanation. It is especially prominent in the Winter when it gets dark around 3 pm and doesn’t brighten up again until after 8:30 am. The start and end to British Summer Time, when the clocks go backwards and forwards are particularly challenging weeks where Mom can suffer with Sundown perhaps eight out of twelve days. It is particularly tiring for me as I am up with her; chatting, making tea, trying to remove the confusion or alleviate whatever it is that is causing her fear. It was particularly hard to deal with when I had the day job; being up most of the night and then having to log in to work was stressful and at least now, if we’re up all night, it doesn’t affect anything other than my mood, energy levels and plans for the day which can always be changed.

Via Pinterest.

I no longer, and haven’t for a long time, taken for granted the simple act of getting into bed, going to sleep and staying in bed until morning. Something I gave no thought to before, I just did it, has almost become the goal of the day.

I don’t know why Mom is unsettled this week; we’ve had one all nighter, one get up and return to bed four times night (that’s unusual), one get up and stay up five minutes after going to bed in the first place and one “I’m not going to bed” night. Add to a couple of these confusion about not being in her own bed or home and it can be so hard to deal with…especially when you’re tired.

Tonight I inflated the blow up mattress my b/f uses when he comes to stay, (I’ve no idea how he manages to pack it away so small and tidy afterwards, that’s a task for the morning) however, no sooner had I got settled on the mattress as I just couldn’t face another night on the sofa and neither could my back, Mom decides to go to bed! Hallelujah!

Dad bless him does his best, he offers to stay up all night but I have to be strong, he has to lie in bed all night and get sleep, no argument. The lack of sleep tiredness is so awful; makes me impatient, grumpy and absolutely no energy. I thought I was going to cry tonight when there was no sign of bed and my beautiful fairy of a Mom just wouldn’t have understood why.

Whether we stay up here or end up back downstairs is still open at the moment. Between us, I’m praying for a night of sleep in my bed. I hope you are all sleeping well, love your bed!!

Via Pinterest

Life Sparkles

In the words of Spandau Ballet…

June 27, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.2 Comments

…”these are my salad days”, (that is what they sing in “Gold” isn’t it or have I been wrong all these years?). Anyway, I digress, as usual!

Last week we had a heatwave in the UK. Apparently five consecutive days where we reach 30 degrees celsius, eighty-six farenheit, is officially a heatwave. I loved it! Blue skies, sunshine, warmth and a rare chance to wear Summer clothes. Let’s face it, we don’t get brilliant Summers so any chance to enjoy the good weather and we’re out there.

This beautiful weather kick started me back to healthy eating. After my gall bladder removal operation I ate very little, eventually progressing to fresh soup, fruit and bran flakes. I lost a stone in weight and felt great, my clothes were not straining to fit anymore. Of course as I healed I fell back to bad habits, biscuits, chocolate and yes even cake. I admit I enjoyed it better when I was eating healthy and not having to worry about what I was eating, because it was all healthy. I just need to keep the momentum up now that the weather is back to rain between the showers and colder than average for the time of year. Here comes Summer 🏖☀️😎

You know it’s Summer when the Strawberries are sweet.

I think I’m addicted to falafel 🥙

Making good use of my Ninja again!

Yes, falafel again.

I’m also addicted to avocado 🥑 but limit my fix…not the cheapest – wait for the bargains.

Life Sparkles

Positives and Opportunities.

February 20, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

look-for-the-positive

“Our Gallbladder is a 4 inch pear-shaped organ positioned under your liver in the upper right section of the abdomen. The Gallbladder stores bile, a combination of fluids, fat and cholesterol. The bile helps break down fat from the food in our intestine”. (www.healthline.com).

It appears that I have chronic (long-term) inflammation of the gallbladder. This has recently come to a head in the last two months after I experienced two bouts of pain like never before. I couldn’t sit, stand, lie down – I just had to keep walking and no relief from the pain for hours. After ultrasounds, blood tests and Dr’s appointments it was decided that to save further attacks and to prevent further damage to surrounding organs, I am to have the gallbladder removed. Oh joy!

As a carer, this news put me into stress city. I would be out of action for some weeks post operation. The consultant said I would have to stay in hospital overnight – further stress, how can I leave my parents alone overnight?!!! I can’t just bring strangers in to the home?

And therein is the dilemma of millions of carers the world over. Who cares for the carer? There is no way I can put off the operation, apart from the constant pain and other symptoms which I have daily, (pain in the left side which radiates through the to back to up to the shoulder, heartburn, hot flushes and sometimes a chronic attack of pain and swollen tummy). things could take a nasty turn if left unattended. Which would untimely means further pressure on my caring responsibilities.

Therefore I have just had to plan around this. I have worked like a demon for the last three or so weeks, getting the house clean, shopping in advance, getting up to date and prepared for a handover in the day job. I can use my post operation time off to study, I have another assignment due on 16th March. I won’t be able to sing for a little while until my muscles regain their strength but I can check out backing tracks and lyrics. The way I see it is that I have been given a period of enforced rest, thinking time, sorting out time, regain health and fitness time – really, a time to start again, a new page, a new phase of life.

I am thankful to God that he sent me a wonderful boyfriend who has rearranged his caring responsibilities in order to come over to stay with my parents the night I am in hospital. This removes the bulk of my stress and I will not be trying to walk home with my drip attached during the evening or overnight to ensure they are ok. Anxiety can make you irrational!

I will be away from the day job for at least two, possibly three weeks depending on my healing and I intend to use this time wisely. There are so many things I want to investigate for my studies, health and social care, carers, mental health first aid. Then there is my passion for singing and researching music, recordings and video’s. I’ve ordered the box set of “Nashville” as I will be off to see the show in June. This will also be a great opportunity to get my healthy eating, diet and fitness back into harness. A chance to start over. I can also blog a little more, I really enjoy blogging, very therapeutic and I love to read other blogs. People lead such interesting lives, have wonderful talents and some have difficult lives and their words give you an understanding of other aspects of our world.

My thought to leave you with today is to check out any symptoms, pains and aches you may be experiencing, your body has a way of letting you know something isn’t right, don’t leave them unattended. Look for the positives in your situation, grab your opportunities and make the most of each moment.

look-for-the-positive-vibes

Images from Pinterest.

Life Sparkles

Winter Frost.

December 29, 2016 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

I’ve not been out for a walk for ages, I think probably the end of November was the last time I actually went out for a walk, just for having a walk. It has been a beautiful day here in Central England. Freezing cold, frost remained on the ground all day. Clear blue skies and sunshine, just perfection.

I have been studying today, but I needed some fresh air, I felt kind of slouchy, lazy, sluggish. It was late afternoon, the sun was starting to go down, that low frost mist was appearing and I grabbed my coat, hat, scarf and gloves…and the iPod and off out I went.

It was gorgeous out there, the cold air hit my face and it was refreshing. Within five minutes I felt a million times better. Ideas and positive thoughts started to flood my brain. There were people out running, cycling, families out for a walk and lone walkers like me although perhaps they weren’t singing out loud complete with actions…

My legs ache now. It wasn’t a long walk, I was out about 45 minutes but it shows me just how out of condition I am. I can’t believe I ran 5k in June in 40 minutes, I really want to get that level of fitness back and beat it!

Here are a couple of pictures I took on my walk this afternoon.

Sometimes you just need to escape for a little you time.

Life Sparkles

Christmas Eve Magic.

December 25, 2016 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

Well Christmas Eve didn’t turn out as planned at all. Mom decided to stay in bed, (Sundowning), Dad got an infection in his arm which is extremely swollen and painful. Thank God for our NHS and out of hours Doctors – we are so lucky!

I managed to dash to the cemetery to leave some Christmas flowers for my Sister, call quickly to my niece, where I was due to have dinner, and then home where things were beginning to settle somewhat. Mom and I baked mince pies…which I burnt. I definitely don’t have my Mother’s cooking skills!

Then this evening I became unwell, so no Midnight Mass for me for the first time in years. I was upset but I know my body needs rest, it is under a lot of stress and pressure and it is telling me to slow up. We watched Midnight Mass via the live stream from Knock Shrine in County Mayo, Ireland which was beautiful.

Mom and Dad have often told me about Christmas when they were little and how they received Christmas Stockings. This year I have prepared a stocking each for them, complete with Satsumas! I’ll be playing Santa very soon.

On this holiest and magical of nights, I wish you a wonderfully Happy and Healthy Christmas. I hope it truly #Sparkles 🎄🌟

Life Sparkles

Let’s Start Again…Diet and Exercise

November 14, 2016 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.4 Comments

I have lost count of the times this year I have “started” to be healthy. Eat the right food, drink plenty of water, exercise. I start off so well with great intentions and then whoops…there goes that chocolate bar…oh dear, did I really just eat that cupcake…are those unattended biscuits I see on the plate?

Picture via Pinterest

Being the main carer it is important that I keep myself healthy in order to look after my parents. However, being the main carer also means that generally I don’t sit down and eat meals, I tend to grab what I can and eat on the go either at home or when I get to the office in the afternoon’s, everything is rushed, or at least appears to be.

I love fruit and vegetables and I do eat a lot of them. I love fish and chips, Indian food and pizza and I do try to keep those delights for treat nights. I need to try harder.

I love walking, I re-started running a few weeks ago as strangely I really enjoyed it when I started running for the first time in January this year. It was a huge achievement for me to run 5k for Cancer Research in June. I am very surprised at how quickly I lost the fitness I had gained and I really want to re-gain it.

I have become more conscious of how what we eat affects our bodies and how exercise affects our hearts and brains. Everywhere you look there are articles about eating healthy, moving more, getting fresh air and protecting ourselves from the onset of diseases in later life.

Picture via Pinterest

I have 14 pounds to lose, just one stone. My clothes are tight, I can’t get into some of my favourite dresses and as for my jeans…let’s not go there!! Although I’m not stressing about this I know I’ll feel better when the excess weight has gone. As I get older I notice the fat distribution area has changed, it is predominantly the tummy area which can be the worst area to carry fat, health wise.

So, once again, I’m starting to get healthy. Time to eat healthier, fresh, non-processed foods. To move more, to walk more, to build up the running, to dance even if it is just around my bedroom. To leave the chocolate, cupcakes and the fish and chips to treat days and to look after my body, my mind and my wellbeing. I want to be as fit and healthy as I can to care for my parents, they are depending on me. I want to be as fit and healthy as I can for me, for my later life and I’m thinking I need to start preparing now. I know there is no guarantee that I will be fit and healthy in my older years but at least I’ll have done what I can to try…if I can just stick to my healthy plan…bring on the willpower!!

Picture via Pinterest

Thank you for reading my blog 😀

Life Sparkles

Caring. Who Cares?

March 23, 2016 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.4 Comments

Who cares? Was the first chapter in one of my study modules a few years ago. The actual point of the chapter is not so much about the person requiring care but about the caregiver. Who cares for the caregiver?

Over the past seven months I have become more and more of a caregiver to my Mom after her fall and breaking of her hip. The hip has healed just fine, Mom walks more and more without the walking frame but Mom has changed. Before the hip fall, for about four years, we experienced very black days, Mom’s mood was nothing short of scary. However since the hip fall, those moods have given way to something else.

It appears that Mom had very little Iron in her body and has been taking Iron supplements which have really improved a number of things; mood, stability, concentration and confusion, normal Mom has returned!! That’s all great but now we experience ‘Sundown Dementia’ which it appears affects people who do not have, or have not been diagnosed with dementia as well as people who do have dementia. Mom does not have dementia, this is not me saying so, the healthcare teams have confirmed this. Sundown Dementia affects people’s body clocks, especially in the Winter time when days are dark most of the time. My father and I have spent many a night awake and with Mom as she tries to break out of the house to go home. She accuses us of keeping her prisoner. I get called all names you can think of and then some. It switches on and off like a light switch and we experience an all nighter about once every three weeks. I am not liked at all by my Mom some days and that hurts a lot, but the next day, the next hour, all is well, till next time. We can get smaller sundown moments during the day but we have found that if sufficient water is drank, it is almost a miracle cure!! Getting Mom to drink water is another story…

I’m lucky that my boss is so understanding and I’ve been allowed to work from home and phase a return to the office. This has worked well at home but still causes me anxiety as I await a phone call that something is wrong with either Mom or Dad. I’ve suddenly become responsible for almost everything from healthcare to shopping, cooking to entertainer, cleaner to, well, carer. It’s hard. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem doing this for my parents. Sometimes though I wonder where have I gone? How has every minute of the day become consumed with items on my ‘to do’ lists.

Lack of sleep, stress and anxiousness lead me to the doctor myself. I cannot be ill. Who cares for them if I’m not here. After some tests the doctor was satisfied that my symptoms were all stress related. I had to find some ways to relieve some pressure and get some me time.

If you’ve read my blogs before you know I do Zumba once a week, I’ve taken up running following the ‘Couch to 5k’ plan (that’s a whole other blog post), I love to sing and am visiting my vocal coach each week and if I get the opportunity to see my b/f now and again it’s a bonus. These things have truly helped me to escape, in mind, body and spirit, even for half an hour. I never thought that a fifteen minute soak in the bath would ever become a rare treat for me. That a day out walking with himself was so special because I can’t go missing for a whole day anymore. I feel sad, anxious, depressed and tearful and yet I also feel happy, joyful and I’ve not lost my sparkle. After all, you just have to paint on that smile and get on with it. My parents gave up time and effort to bring me up, it’s payback time.

Picture via Pinterest

Thank you for reading my blog 😎

Life Sparkles

Tailspin!

January 24, 2016 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

Looking back on the last week that’s how life has felt, like I’ve been in a tailspin. I’ve felt tired, I’ve experienced feeling envious of other people’s lives, I’ve asked myself “why not me”? I’ve felt anxious to the point of feeling my heart beat pounding in my chest and telling myself to “get a grip”. I got up Wednesday morning unable to put weight on my right knee walking downstairs, today the pain has moved to the right hip!!! What is going on? This is not me?

A little time of silence and quiet thought made me think back over the past months and how a lot of what was my normal routine has changed completely. I am now responsible for my parents healthcare, wellbeing and that’s scary. I am now in charge of the home, I go to work, I’m trying to keep up with my studies and to follow my passion for singing along with finding time to see my lovely boyfriend and be in contact with my friends. Thank goodness for social media 😎

I’m not alone in this, I understand that people all over the world find themselves in the same situation as I am in. But it has taken my tailspin of last week to appreciate how lucky I am to be given the role of looking after my parents and all the other components of my life. Yes, it isn’t without stress but it is also an education, more life experience and a story of love in many guises.

I’ve realised too that by feeling unwell I need to pull myself together and start eating healthier more often. The breakfast smoothie is a winner but not if I spend the evening picking at chocolate and shortbread biscuits. I need to walk more. I need to lose that stone. I need to have more energy and feel better if I am to carry out my numerous roles properly.

I have three concerts/dances coming up in March and April, my favourite Irish country music stars will be visiting my city. I want to have the energy to sing and dance and immerse myself in the night out.

That’s an awful lot of wants and needs but you know what, it starts now. I truly believe there is nothing we can’t do if we set our minds to it. Mind over matter. Self belief. Self Confidence. Ignite the sparkle in your heart and soul and go for it ✨

Picture via Pinterest