Sundowning, Sleep and Me.

November 27, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.Leave a comment

Sundowning was something I had never heard of until about two years ago. Out of the blue Mom would get confused, agitated, nervous and not know if it was morning or evening. If we did get to bed there may be “room roaming”, Mom would be on patrol within her room, back and forth to the window wondering why it was dark during the day. Some nights we wouldn’t make it up to bed at all. Other nights we’d get to bed and sleep only to find ourselves back downstairs a few hours later. This is what has happened tonight. Last night Mom and I didn’t get to bed at all.

Since the Doctor said Mom’s topsy turvy nights were due to Sundowning I’ve read quite a lot about it. We don’t fit any of the profiles given (typical) however some of the remedies do work for us. Keeping to routines, staying calm and reassuring, making hot sweet tea and favourite biscuits as sometimes Sundowning can come on due to low blood sugar.

It is always worse when the clocks change. When our clocks recently changed due to the end of British Summer Time I was expecting a couple of weeks sleep disruption. We had four weeks where we went to bed every other night. We then had a run of six nights in a row of uninterrupted sleep which believe me was heaven. For the past two weeks we’ve had one Sundown night each week until this week; last night and tonight. Mom was expecting visitors. I tried to explain it was 2:30 am but Mom thought it was afternoon and of course in the depth of Winter we can have some very dark days where night time starts to descend mid to late afternoon; a typical Sundowning trait of switching night to day.

My night out last Sunday did not help things. Routine was upset, I was out and came home late, 1:15 am. Mom was happily enjoying her time with the Carer and Dad. I got into bed at 3 am and Mom got up at 6 am…last Monday was a very long tired out day.

A slight twist to the Sundown is that some nights Mom just doesn’t want to go to bed even though she is tired. This isn’t Sundowning. I’ve researched this too! It seems that elderly people can get so comfortable, cosy, warm and relaxed in their chair they don’t see the point in moving to bed, so they don’t, they sleep quite comfortably where they are. This is fine for them but hard on their carer who doesn’t get a proper night of sleep. There is no change of mood when this happens, no anxiety or confusion. My fairy of a Mom just wants to stay put where she is.

My main issue with being up at night on a regular basis is not only am I lacking in vital sleep but I need to keep going during the day to take care of Dad when he gets up and to do the cooking etc. I did very little yesterday and I’m thinking today is going to be written off chores wise. That’s how it goes, we just have to go with the flow. Keeping Mom happy, relaxed and safe is our priority.

We have had our 3 am tea and biscuits, Mom has fallen asleep in her chair, Dad is asleep upstairs and I’ll attempt a few hours sleep now. The wind and rain are pelting against the window, it’s comforting, soothing and I hope will help me drift off to sleep.

Pictures via Pinterest

©️ @aurorasparkles 2017

Life Sparkles

Caring – it’s tough!

November 8, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.16 Comments

Sundowning has hit. The darker evenings has meant that once twilight arrives, Sundown affects Mom so that she is unsure of whether it is morning or evening. Sundowning is such a strange condition. Mom will not go to bed, even at 1 am because she thinks it is early evening. At the moment we are running at every other night in bed. I was expecting this; we experience a similar situation in Spring when the clocks change and the lighter evenings take over. We go with the flow, I ensure Dad is in bed as he has to lie down at night due to his heart condition and associated issues. I can cuddle up on the sofa and keep an eye on things with Mom keeping the door open so I can check on Dad.

Yesterday Dad’s right knee became more painful than usual and started to swell. We thought this was arthritis inflammation as a similar thing happened in June on the left knee; it took one day to flare up and almost nine weeks to resolve. Thankfully the stairlift is in now which it wasn’t in June when I had to flex my muscles to help him on the stairs. The doctor prescribed some strong anti-inflammatory gel yesterday and although the joint is still extremely painful and he still can’t put weight on the leg, the swelling has not increased so far. Again I am flexing my muscles to help him in and out of his chair.

Yesterday morning I had a hospital appointment for an ultrasound, abdominal and internal. I was supposed to come home and rest but I couldn’t do that. I was on high anxiety the hour I was at my appointment even though our lovely carer was covering for me. When I returned to find Dad totally immobile I had to take over the jobs he usually does. I just left a lot of chores and concentrated on the needs of Mom and Dad, you just have to go with the flow. It was difficult as I was in a lot of pain myself, but you have to just keep going, there is just me.

Trying to cope with both of them at the same time was so hard, negotiating Mom’s changing mood, helping Dad in and out of his chair, bathroom visits for both of them, cooking, medication, helping Dad to bed and then an all nighter with Mom.

It made me think a lot about self care, about how important it is for me to stay healthy in order to look after them. It also made me think about contingency plans should I fall ill and also about making a will just in case. I need to be as sure as I can be that they will be looked after properly, with love and attention should I not be here.

Being a full time carer gives you a lot of food for thought, worries and anxieties. It is also very rewarding and I’m loving this time spent with my parents as challenging as it is at times.

Picture via Pinterest

I’m behind on reading your wonderful blog posts, I promise to catch up soon and as usual I have loads more I want to write about, I never know when to stop!

Life Sparkles

Crisp, Cold and Beautiful.

November 2, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.6 Comments

I’m loving these few days of late Autumn, early Winter we’re having. Living in The Midlands of England we are quite sheltered from extremely bad weather. If we get it bad here it must be truly desperate in other areas of the country. The forecasters are saying heavy rain on the way but for the past few days it has been beautiful. Cold, dry, sunny and perfect for getting a quick walk and some fresh air. I feel so much better for making the effort to go outdoors, feel the sunshine or the wind on my face. After today I think the hat and gloves need to come out!!

This afternoon I took a chance and had a shorter around the block walk. I was taking a chance as it was a little later than usual for me to venture out. It was just starting to get dark, twilight, sundown…which is also what throws Mom into confusion about the time of day or night “Sundowning” is quite apt. We had an all nighter last night and Mom was still not on good terms with me (it happens), hence I took the chance to walk.

It was stunning outside, the twilight sunset and the rising of the moon. The touch of the evening mist on my face and the cold on my hands. A sense of freedom, re-newed energy and a feeling of wellbeing. I was gone for 25 minutes and I felt amazing when I returned. Ready to face the evening and by now, Mom was friends with me again.

Such beautiful colours, nature at her best.

Saturday Afternoon Walking – Posing as usual.

Life Sparkles

A Mixed Week.

October 27, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.5 Comments

Autumn has well and truly set in although we have moved from very warm days to very cold days and most things in-between. This particular week of October is a mixed emotional time for us. The 22nd is my parents Wedding Anniversary and last Sunday they were married 57 years. No big, expensive weddings back then; church and then for a hooley at the pub with good friends and family. I’m not sure this year that Mom took much notice of the anniversary. We chatted about the wedding, they talked about the guests, the dancing and going home to Ireland on honeymoon but this year Mom was not in the mood to sign the anniversary card for Dad. I just couldn’t seem to catch her at the right time to do this. However, she was more than happy with the Rose I arranged to send to Dad from her. Not that he minded not having the card of course, he was only too happy to have Mom with him. It was a happy Saturday together.

Mom and Dad on their Wedding Day and celebration flowers.

October 25th this year was the 11th anniversary of my Sister’s passing. It was sudden, a shock and I feel we all changed in some way almost immediately. She was on holiday in Cyprus with her husband, got a terrible headache and lay down and never came back to us. A massive sub arachnoid haemorrhage. I talk to her everyday, sometimes when times are tough I ask her why she left me to look after things all alone. Whenever she loved something, a book etc she would tell me it was magic. On the day she went to heaven I was standing watching out of the window waiting for my parents to arrive home. I quite clearly heard her say to me “it’s magic here Dawnie, it’s magic” and I answered by asking her why did she have to be the one who had to go there to find out. A minute later my niece telephoned to say my sister was gone.

My beautiful sister Christine on her Wedding Day.

Friday 27th, today, was to be my Graduation Ceremony at the beautiful Symphony Hall in Birmingham. My ceremony was to take place in the morning and I was stressed about this. I’m always at home in the morning to help with the getting up, the getting dressed, sorting out breakfast and keeping things on an even keel until things settled in the afternoon. Every email or text I received about the graduation made my tummy turn with anxiety. Even though I had arranged for the carer to be here, I knew, deep down I would be too stressed out to enjoy the day. I decided to defer until next year and hopefully I’ll get an afternoon slot. Wow, that feeling when a weight lifts off your shoulders, definitely the right decision. My boyfriend will still come over for the weekend, I’ll wear my new dress, I’ll drink fizz and we’ll go for our celebration meal…all being well.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

Life Sparkles

Saturday Smiles.

October 21, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.6 Comments

Tomorrow, or should I say later today (I’m awake late as usual) my boyfriend is coming to visit for the day. I cannot wait to see him. We haven’t seen each other since 23rd September and I do miss him. He is also a carer, for his Mother. His sister lives with them so he has back up but if she is away, or working as she sometimes has to, he cannot get out to see me.

I don’t have any family back up so it is even more difficult for me to get out or to drive over to visit him and his Mom. I have to be home in the mornings and if I do go out, I need to be back by the time “Sundowning” may hit Mom as Dad is unable to cope with it alone anymore. Therefore I have a slot between 1:30 pm and 6 pm to get there and back and visit. However, if Mom decides not to get up until early afternoon…my slot is missed.

I count myself extremely lucky with my b/f, he’s understanding of my situation, he is kind, caring and supportive of my parents and he supports me. Whatever mad cap, crazy idea I come up with he just lets me get on with it and I know he’s in my corner. He has the most amazing sense of humour and he makes me laugh when I least feel like doing so.

I miss our every weekend dates; walking, eating out, cinema trips. I miss our weekends away, our holidays, our nights out with friends. Life has changed completely for us both and so far, we’ve managed to keep it together. We text everyday, we talk everyday and we WhatsApp funnies to each other. He doesn’t get me and my Twitter and Instagram life but he accepts that sometimes I just need to tweet!!

Today, (ok, it was yesterday, Friday), during my vocal coaching session (stress busting session) I sang a song I’ve never sang before. “Babe” by the band “Styx”. It popped into my mind, we looked it up on You Tube and off I went. Part way through I started to feel emotional, I could feel tears pricking my eyes. The words I was singing made me think of my boyfriend…

Because he does give me strength and courage to carry on. He has my back, I can totally depend on him, I can let out my inner voice to him; my fears, my anxieties, my frustration and I can trust him. I am so lucky, I’m blessed and I know some people can’t say that about their partners. I certainly couldn’t have said it about any of my prior, let’s call them “life lessons”.

We have differences of opinion, we have to agree to disagree on certain things, I know I’m a pain in the ass and we are very different in many ways but we just work.

So Saturday I will be smiling, which totally unnerves him as he thinks I’m planning something. If I could just get him to understand “Sparkles”…

Happy weekend to you all.

Lyrics from Google.

Life Sparkles

Thank you – Mother’s and Daughter’s.

September 21, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.8 Comments

Tonight Mam was worrying about coming to bed. She felt someone would come along in the night and tell her to get up and go, she’s in the wrong place. This has happened a couple of times before yet tonight was the first time I fully appreciated how frightening that must make Mam feel.

Dad and I chatted to her to reduce her fear but she was still unsettled. We did make it up to bed and I cuddled her in. We talked about the wind and rain outside, about my boyfriend coming to spend the day on Saturday and how he makes us laugh with his sense of humour. We talked about Dad taking ages to get into his pyjamas and slowly Mam started to relax. When I said goodnight to her and checked she had everything she needed Mam thanked me for helping her. I said “you don’t need to thank me, I’m only making sure you are ok”. Mam then said she was so sorry that I’m having the weight of her and Dad around my neck, this wasn’t the life she intended for me. I don’t know how I held the tears back. Now whilst I’m writing this they are falling quietly…

I hugged her as tight as I could without hurting her, my lovely fairy of a Mam. I said “Fairy, where else would I be but with you and Dad”.

Thank you. Two simple words which when said with real feeling and with real meaning can make your heart feel like it could burst with love and pain simultaneously.

Mothers and daughters ❤️

Picture via Pinterest

@aurorasparkles ✨

Life Sparkles

Yesterday.

September 10, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.6 Comments

Yesterday, all my troubles were definitely not far away. We all know things can happen in a breath and when they do you appear to enter some form of altered reality.

Before I start to relay my tale, I’ll let you know up front that things appear, so far, to be ok. I’m writing this blog post for a couple of reasons; one to help me deal with things and two, to give a little insight into life as a carer.

My fairy of a Mom had a sudden collapse yesterday around 1 pm. Dad shouted for me and when I seen her I immediately dialled 999 for paramedics. All colour had drained from her, she couldn’t breathe, she was boiling hot, weak, dizzy, reteching, feeling sick and barely able to talk. Dad was in a state but remaining calm, I was in stress city but for some reason I’m always good in a crisis. I fall apart afterwards. Paramedics arrived within fifteen minutes and all vital signs were fine, which was a relief, but Mom was still very sick. The decision was made she would need to go to hospital. I ran around like a crazy thing grabbing what I thought we’d need. It was afternoon, I knew Dad would be ok for a couple of hours but he was crying as they carried Mom out to the ambulance. I was trying to calm him down, I knew how he felt, but I had to stay strong.

Mom was very quiet, still very sick and weak. We were booked into A & E and transferred to a bed outside the already occupied bays. I stood by the trolley and cuddled her. She looked so small and frail. The Doctors and nurses were wonderful. We were in a bay fairly quickly, vitals were taken again and were all good. Blood samples were taken as it takes about ninety minutes for the results, so best to not delay. Mom was made a cup of tea, she was more talkative, the colour was returning to her cheeks, she was able to drink her tea and she wasn’t feeling sick.

We then seen the Senior Doctor and a Junior Doctor; lots of examinations, questions, and assessment. Mom was much improved by this time. The Doctor said he would await the blood tests before making a decision on whether Mom could come home. If we were being kept in, it meant I had to ensure there was a carer at home overnight with Dad.

We were wheeled out of the bay and Mom was given some tea and toast. Mom was asking lots of questions about what happened and what’s happening next and when could we go home to Dad. I could see myself she was back to normal by now, but it had taken three and a half hours. A senior sister came over to chat to Mom; she needed Mom to get up and walk so they could check her mobility…and that’s when the mood changed. Mom would not get off that bed until she was ready, she was no longer listening to me, she was doing things her way. After a few minutes she got off the bed and started to walk around the area, bearing in mind we were still in the area where the ambulances bring in the patients and it was busy, with all kinds of ailments, medical, mental, alcohol and here was my dot of a Mom strolling around through it all, me trying to hold Mom, bags and jackets and try to get her to sit down. I was scared she would fall and break a hip again. Apart from not wanting that to happen, nor wanting a two week stay in hospital there would be the panic of looking after Dad too!

Picture via Pinterest

The Doctor arrived to say all bloods were fine, they were satisfied what had happened was a sudden drop in blood pressure. We could go home and I was to keep an eye on things. Hooray I thought, so relieved that all was ok and we could go. Mom however had other ideas. She wouldn’t leave the department, she did not think I was taking her home in a taxi. Mom wanted Dad. I phoned Dad to talk to her, she wouldn’t speak with him. The taxi arrived, she wouldn’t walk out to it. I had to send the taxi home to get Dad and bring him to the hospital so that he could take her home. In the midst of this our Parish Priest arrived and Mom sat down to chat with him. He then waited for Dad to arrive and walked him in to where we were. So now I had two of them sitting in what was becoming an increasingly busy department as evening rolled in…and no sign of going home. I was stood in the middle of the department, with it all unraveling in front of me in a kind of fog, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do now. It was all down to me to sort this out, do something, but what?!!!

Inspiration arrived. I contacted the lovely male carer who visits each week to see if needed, could he stay overnight with Dad, yes he could. I was thinking I’d have to send Dad home and I’d stay with Mom until she was ready to move. There was still no sign of movement towards home when I returned to them so I called our wonderfully kind neighbour who Mom has girlie evenings with if I’m off to a show; she said she would come down to A & E and hopefully that would entice Mom to come home.

When I got back to them this time, Mom’s mood had changed back and she was ready to come home. So, the three of us took a very slow walk, me trying to hold them both steady, over towards the A & E waiting room. Half way there our neighbour approached, Mom was delighted to see her. We sat at a table and bought tea and I called another taxi. Another very slow walk out into the evening and into the car. The taxi driver was lovely, he treated Mom like she was his own family, put her in the seat next to him and they chatted all the way home. Such kindness was so appreciated. Tea and toast all round, our neighbour came in to chat to Mom and all was calm. Four hours after we were told we could come home, we were home!

I didn’t care last night that we didn’t get to bed. Mom was ok, safe, warm and asleep in her chair, I was happy to be on the sofa watching over her. I had settled Dad to bed, he was worn out after the day.

Today has been a slow, tired out, just hitting me kind of day. Mom did amazingly well considering her ordeal and I think it was actually better that she was in her strong, independent mood as she coped with things better than if she felt afraid or vulnerable. She slept a lot today but she must have been shattered.

It was one thing me going to hospital with Mom and being able to leave Dad alone for a few hours but should it be the other way around, I couldn’t leave Mom unattended and I’d have to be very careful who was here. The emergency back up service will supply me with a nurse but it will be someone we have never met and there is no way around that. This will not be good but I may not have a choice.

Tonight, we have made it to bed, Dad has had some angina so I’m on wide awake alert. Today I stood in the kitchen thinking “this is to much for me”, “I can’t cope/deal/take on all this responsibility” and all the time the quote about God not giving us more than we can handle kept coming to mind. Self-care has come to mind too; I’m tired, I’ve forced myself to eat because I know I need to have strength for tomorrow, if I keel over, we have real problems here.

I need to build more contingency plans, I’m not sure how or who with but I need to have things in place. I don’t know how quickly the emergency carers can be here. I don’t know if our companion carers can successfully cover emergencies. I don’t know if there is anything else I can put in place to assist us…I need to find out. My chap couldn’t come to help me yesterday as he is currently alone caring for his Mother whilst his sister is on holiday.

Ever thankful to our fantastic NHS, we are so lucky to have the healthcare system that we do in the UK.

Here’s to a less tired, calmer, less stressful weekend.

Picture via Pinterest

Life Sparkles

Catching Up.

September 4, 2017September 3, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.7 Comments

After the recent run of sleepless nights it has been a while since I have had an opportunity to update my blog. The sleeping pattern has calmed back down; I’ll never know what unsettled Mom to the point of her not being able to settle into bed and now we go with the flow at bedtime. If we get to bed and stay there, brilliant. If we don’t, then that is just how it is and it is more important that Mom is settled, relaxed and happy where she is.

Well the Slimming World is going ok. I’ve not had huge weight loss but I have had a couple of days each week “off plan” so to speak, I have lost 4 lbs. The main change I’ve found is that I feel much better within myself, less sluggish, more energy and I have surprised myself by enjoying cooking from scratch. Himself was over a couple of weekends ago and we made a Slimming World Thai Green Chicken Curry and it was delicious. Actually I’ve enjoyed the whole cooking thing so much I’ve ordered myself a Vintage Apron. I really throw myself into things when I get going!!

I had a lovely lunch with my cousin Clare who I hadn’t seen for well over twenty years; families hey.

A trip to the city to meet my Cousin for lunch.

Mom so enjoys her Coconut Creams with her cuppa tea. I went a little overboard with the order though, the Elite Chocolate Mallows are totally delicious.

There is a great farm shop not too far from me and I’d not managed to visit there until recently; I met two lovely ladies who I used to sing in the choir with for a coffee. I’ll be making a return visit to the café and shop when Slimming World has ran out of steam with me, there were some delicious looking cakes on sale.

5cbcf446-0efd-40b7-8e5b-0df6ac8b6901 — A visit to a local farm shop who serve delicious Cappuccino. The cakes looked amazing but I’m being good.

Mom and Dad watch Mass live everyday from Knock Shrine. We light virtual candles online, buy beautiful Mass cards and Christmas cards. We watch the Annual Novena every year, the services are very uplifting, the speakers are completely motivating and come from all different walks of life. Inspiring.

e4f7cfb3-d923-4383-862f-0d4ee94a3d47 — Taken from the TV during the Annual Novena at Knock Shrine.

A recent addition to the area is this lovely Coffee shop. So calming inside, I’m looking forward to escaping there for an hour now and again with a book and a large cappuccino.

Fabulous little Coffee shop I located a twenty minute walk away from home…did I mention they also sell Prosecco?!!

So, as you can see, although I’ve not been able to blog very much during August, I have managed to get out now and again; walking, coffee and family. These small breaks have been much needed and much appreciated. Here’s to a wonderful September and a very happy Autumn for us all.

Life Sparkles

Love your bed!!

August 18, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.10 Comments

Why am I saying this? Because I haven’t managed to stay in bed all night for four nights out of six and at the moment, I’m not sure about tonight.

Mom is having a very unsettled week when it comes to bedtime. On average we experience one night in twentyone where I am up all night with Mom. It’s all part of the “Sundowning” which Mom goes through. Sundowning is a condition where the body clock goes out of kilter; for want of a better explanation. It is especially prominent in the Winter when it gets dark around 3 pm and doesn’t brighten up again until after 8:30 am. The start and end to British Summer Time, when the clocks go backwards and forwards are particularly challenging weeks where Mom can suffer with Sundown perhaps eight out of twelve days. It is particularly tiring for me as I am up with her; chatting, making tea, trying to remove the confusion or alleviate whatever it is that is causing her fear. It was particularly hard to deal with when I had the day job; being up most of the night and then having to log in to work was stressful and at least now, if we’re up all night, it doesn’t affect anything other than my mood, energy levels and plans for the day which can always be changed.

Via Pinterest.

I no longer, and haven’t for a long time, taken for granted the simple act of getting into bed, going to sleep and staying in bed until morning. Something I gave no thought to before, I just did it, has almost become the goal of the day.

I don’t know why Mom is unsettled this week; we’ve had one all nighter, one get up and return to bed four times night (that’s unusual), one get up and stay up five minutes after going to bed in the first place and one “I’m not going to bed” night. Add to a couple of these confusion about not being in her own bed or home and it can be so hard to deal with…especially when you’re tired.

Tonight I inflated the blow up mattress my b/f uses when he comes to stay, (I’ve no idea how he manages to pack it away so small and tidy afterwards, that’s a task for the morning) however, no sooner had I got settled on the mattress as I just couldn’t face another night on the sofa and neither could my back, Mom decides to go to bed! Hallelujah!

Dad bless him does his best, he offers to stay up all night but I have to be strong, he has to lie in bed all night and get sleep, no argument. The lack of sleep tiredness is so awful; makes me impatient, grumpy and absolutely no energy. I thought I was going to cry tonight when there was no sign of bed and my beautiful fairy of a Mom just wouldn’t have understood why.

Whether we stay up here or end up back downstairs is still open at the moment. Between us, I’m praying for a night of sleep in my bed. I hope you are all sleeping well, love your bed!!

Via Pinterest

Life Sparkles

What Day is it?

August 6, 2017 Dawn - The Sparkle Diaries.9 Comments

Seriously, I’m losing track of days, dates and even what month it is?!! Unless I have some kind of appointment on a particular day, I’m lost. I must have checked the date four times yesterday just to make sure I wasn’t tweeting incorrect information.

Life is busy, busy in a very different way. Going with the flow still ensures a busy day takes place, quite honestly I don’t know how I ever had time for the “day job”. I’ve been meaning to update my blog everyday for a week…here I am after 1 am Sunday morning…I’ve found a slot to start writing!

So, a quick roundup of some “me time” over the past three or so weeks. It was my Birthday in July and I was thrilled with this gift from himself.

I told him how lucky he is; not every man could buy their woman crisps and salt for their birthday and receive such a happy reaction. I love Ibiza and I love these products.

I also received my degree results on my Birthday; my seven years part time study with the Open University paid off and I am very proud to confirm that I now have a BSc (Hons) in Health and Social Care, go me!! In order to celebrate we finally, after three previous bookings and then cancellations as I was unable to leave the parents, made it to a new local restaurant for a very late lunch and two hours together time. Absolute heaven.

I have also now commenced my Guitar lessons…there will be more about this on my “Music Sparkle” page in due course. My Guitar tutor visits the house, a huge bonus.

Regular readers of my blog will know I have spurts of healthy eating and attempting to lose a stone weight. My graduation ceremony is at the end of October so last Monday I joined Slimming World with the aim of losing said stone prior to graduation day. My thinking is that if I have to go to a group session to be weighed I am more likely to stick with the plan. I’ve eaten so much this week I’ll be amazed if I lose any pounds but I’ve stuck to the rules. I have to admit that five days in my body is already feeling less sluggish.

Breakfast was huge, makes a change from a dish of Alpen!

Prior to joining Slimming World I managed a trip to the city to meet my cousin for lunch. Made me realise how much I don’t miss the commute to the office.

I went out for a walk in the rain the other day; just around the block. It felt great, I really must try to do that more often. The fresh air, flowers, trees and yes even the rain makes you feel so alive and for that short time you are out, everything in your head makes sense.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just doing the best I can each day. If things get done, or I make it to the shops or a coffee date then great and if not, then I just try again another time. My parents are my priority and everything revolves around them. I think I’m lucky that I have managed a bit of me time, even if I don’t know what day it is…a lot of full time carers don’t.